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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Is this guy genuinely interested or is he just playing me around?

Resolved Question:

Is this guy genuinely interested or is he just playing me around?

I met this guy a year ago. We just recently got reconnected because apparently I am moving to where he is in June. We've been texting a lot recently, mostly initiated by him. I told him upfront that I wanted a committed relationship and that I did not do casual fun. He assured me he was looking for the same thing as well. He asked me lots of questions and would spend at least 4 hours texting with me every day. Not to mention he also was on my facebook a lot. I knew this because he liked some of my stuff from way past and commented on them...
It seemed like he was interested. So the other day I told him I was coming to his town to look at places to live when I moved there. His response was, "My brother is going to be in town that week as well. Maybe I will run into you ;)"
I was obviously not happy with the response. I thought he'd ask me out or at least ask to meet up considering his level of interest.
He was absolutely clueless that I wasn't happy. So he kept texting me the next day, commenting on my stuff on facebook, saying sweet things...I decided to tell him that he needed to stop talking to me if he had no intention of seeing me again and getting to know me in person. His response was, "Oh I was just kidding around the other day. Of course I think we should meet. I am having a hard time with this text-only communication."
Now should I buy what he just said and give him a chance or should I just close the case here and delete his contacts?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

This apparently immature man is more interested in the playful aspect of online flirtation than in the reality of meeting up with a real live flesh and blood woman.

The way he responded to you at first when you told him that you would be in town showed you his true nature and lack of real interest in attempting to have a relationship with you.

Perhaps it was very inconvenient and a major conflict for him, but he could have explained that and tried to make some accommodations or a workaround of some sort. Even if it wasn't possible, he would have tried if he had a genuine interest.

Perhaps he has a huge blind spot. If you are going to be in his town and he is willing to meet up with you, you may as well give it a try. If you don't you will look back on it as a lost opportunity. This way, you can see how the body language, voice, eye contact, etc. mesh up with his words.

Rather than say give HIM a chance, I would reframe and say give YOURSELF a chance. Then you can make up your mind about continuing or deleting.

I wish you a safe and fruitful trip.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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