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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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what does it mean when girlfriend asks for space to determine

Resolved Question:

what does it mean when girlfriend asks for space to determine whether the boyfriend is the one she wants after all these 5 years of living together?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
It is not uncommon for someone to take a step back to look at their relationship and themselves to determine whether this is what they want for their future. It does not mean she doesn't love you, but it can be a simple growing pain and a space she needs to explore. At the same time though your needs are important and if you are sure about this woman being the right one for you I would express that to her and let her know your desires for the relationship. In the end if she still wants the space to figure that out for herself, I would suggest giving it to her. There is no guarantee of the outcome one or the other, so you need to stay with your feelings and take care of yourself in the process.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i agree with your answer however, things r a bit more complicated than that. I believe that the problem came about due to an incident happened while she was overseas. she was surrounded with young uni students who just branched out into life experiences i.e party, booze, casual sex, and carefree lifestyle. the consequence was she had one nite stand and told me about it. But she still keep "facebooking" with the guy without telling me.Now, she asks me to give her space to be sure. I told her, i love her but i cannot sit around and wait for her t fullfil her sexual experimentation till she is sure. BUt she said thats not what she meant. She said that she just wants to see other guys so that she can be sure that she wants me to be the one. hence, i said she is naive and selfish given that i had supported her all these years so far. PLease advice if i should be more patience or should i break clean now?
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for providing that extra detail which is really important for me to hear so I can understand the full picture. She does sound confused and desirous of going a bit wild without much concern for your feelings and the trust and love the two of you have built together in these 5 years. It all becomes a matter of what you are willing to accept and tolerate for yourself. Sit back and let her do her thing while SHE decides for both of you? That's a tough space for you to be in. To break clean now to take care of yourself? That's the other option....and it will come with some pain around the loss of the break up and the time you have spent. Either option is painful and you will go through some very tough emotions. I will always advocate for you to take care of your needs around this. Sitting around while she gets this out of her system or doesn't is truly a rough space for you to put yourself through. My guess is when you take the steps to break clean she could come running back and at that time it will be up to you to see whether you can have a relationship with someone that has betrayed you and whether that trust can be rebuilt.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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