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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  24 years in a private practice
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My boyfriend doesnt know if he wants a life with me

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My boyfriend doesn't know if he wants a life with me because my parents don't accept him. We are both 25 years old and from different cultural backgrounds.my parents have never met him or accept him. I think he needs time to think on his own but he wants to continue to see me and talk to me. He has no family in this country and his friends are just drinking buddies. We lived together for a year but I moved back in with my parents to repair our damaged relationship and also save money because I was depending on him financially while living together. We have been dating for 2 years. I thought he accepted while first dating me that my parents will not accept him due to race and religion differences but now he is saying this isn't the type of life he wants for his future kids. What do I do? I feel like if I continue to talk and console him he will one day say he can't live like this and leave me and not marry me.

Kevin Kappler :

Thank you for choosing JustAnswer!

Kevin Kappler :

You are faced with a difficult dilemma. While you and your boyfriend lived together he was not worried about your parent's feelings. Yet there was good reasons why you moved back in with your parents and I suspect some of it had to do with his saying things he didn't believe or follow through on.

Kevin Kappler :

You may have little to do to influence his decision but since you are separated he is in a better situation to call it quits and he can put the blame on you. I would agree that you need to keep the dialogue going and work it out. He says he needs to continue to talk to him but is not ready to meet your parents. I wonder if that would be constructive anyway since people who hate others who are not their nationality or religion are the least likely to change their mind.

Kevin Kappler :

To answer your last question it is highly likely that he is just using you for support and will someday leave. This is because of two things that you have clearly described. First you separated from him and he is now living on his own and second he is intimidated by a future where he will remain an outcast from your family.

Kevin Kappler :

I see that you are currently off-line. I have responded to your request as best as I can. If you have more to add about the situation feel free to do so. If you have already received a satisfactory answer to your question, click the accept button. Experts are paid only for each accepted answer they provide.

Customer:

How did you suspect that he wasn't good on follow through sometimes?

Customer:

How did you suspect he wasn't always the best on follow through?

Customer:

How did you suspect he wasn't always the best on follow through? And also why are you suggesting that I keep dialogue open with him if it is highly likely that he will leave me?

Customer:

Sorry i didn't realize i asked the same question three times...i now understand how this works :)

Kevin Kappler :

As to his not following through I presumed that when you said you left "to repair our damaged relationship" you meant there were problems and the most reported reason people give for damage in a relationshiip is poor communication and lack of trust in what their partner says.

Kevin Kappler :

Mu second assumption was simple. If you give up on maintaining the dialogue he will inevitably misinterpret you as rejecting him.

Kevin Kappler :

I hope this answers your question to your satisfaction. If so, please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my response. You may return to this answer for reference at any time after you accept.

Customer:

So what do I do? Stay with him and wait for the inevitable, him leaving me in the future?

Kevin Kappler :

That is the eternal question. If you love him as much as you imply in your request I would recommend sticking it out because my dour predictions may be wrong. Love is an intangible element that can change people. Realizing that someone really cares for you when you feel alone in the world is what I faced when I realized all of my family was dead and my wife was my only true love, It changed me and I became more tolerant of her as your boyfriend may do as well. I hope so.

Kevin Kappler :

I need to inform you of the situation as it stands so you can decide what to do. You have made the effort to ask and receive a response to your question. That item has been timed out because you have accepted the repose but not clicked the acceptance button. As a result you have my hard work and compassion and I have no payment. If there is anything else I can do as an expert let me know or address it in a separate response addressed to me and I will gladly answer it.

Kevin Kappler :

It has been three days since you have responded. Because of that this question has been timed out and is about to disappear. Since you have not clicked the accept button I have not been paid.

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