You should try to focus on what is important in this situation which is why your husband cheated. I understand your feelings. It can feel that way following this traumatic situation. I would focus on finding out from your husband why he cheated. This will give you a chance to find out how he sees this incident. At that time also disclose to him your feelings of insecurity. Let him reassure you which may help with these feelings.
You may find that this cheating has triggered insecurities that you have relative to her. This is why marriage counseling would be very helpful. You could focus on the reason for his choices and the feelings you have regarding her physical attractiveness. You can then restart the relationship from a better perspective. That will adequately help you put the physical appearance in perspective.
Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated
ok it has kind of helped my head knows what u r saying is right but really I'm still stuck -like choosing to forgive I can say it but how do i feel and believe it?? I just don't feel i can move on (it has been a long time) that it will always be there that feeling of him having wanted someone more attractive and I will never be able to attain that (unless i won the lottery)!