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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1168
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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if you love something let it go?

Customer Question

I've been in an out of a relationship for 2 years. Off an on after a year. We love each other so much and yet something isn't right. We had planned to get married and he got cold feet. Now its either all the way in for me or nothing… but I can't seem to let him go and he can't let go either and yet it doesn't work. He wont make the full commitment and even if he did im afraid he would get scared and leave again. I have no idea what to do. I feel foolish for not being able to just drop it completely. My heart loves him completely but my brain tells me im being rediculous. How do I just let him go when we both continually enable one another. What do I do? Im so easily roped in.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.

Dr Levang :

Hello,

Dr Levang :

This is a common scenario in life - our heart says one thing and our head another. So...which one do we listen to?

Dr Levang :

You already know that having your head and heart in unison is the healthiest choice. Do you think that what you are experiencing is the fear of being alone? The fear that you will never quite find the right person? I always encourage people not to "settle for" a relationship that doesn't match up with head and heart. And I say this for just the reasons you mentioned: the commitment is too weak, the risk too high.

Dr Levang :

You've made a good attempt to understand what is happening for you. You use the words enable roped in. To me, that says you see our own vulnerability here - that you - until this point - have not been strong enough to either go all in or to walk away.

Customer:

I think your right. thank you very much for your time.

Dr Levang :

I encourage you to continue that investigation - do you want to live an authentic life in which you are honest, open, and completely yourself? are you settling for a so-so relationship? is this the man that you can walk with through joy and pain?

Dr Levang :

Keep investigating what is true for you. Only then will you know what decision to make.

Dr Levang :

Dr. Levang

Customer:

This is a big help. You nailed it on the head. I am extremely grateful for your help. I doubted the whole internet help thing and im SO glad I did. thank you thank you thank you. :)

Dr. L and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.

You are very very welcome. Peace to you!

Dr. Levang

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