It sounds like your job is adding to your resentment of this relationship. As you know you need your wife to make some compromises in this relationship or you are going to have more than minor issues. A relationship is built on compromise and mutual respect. It is admirable that you have tried to resolve this on your own but it seems that the best thing you can do now is to find a couples counselor in your area. This breakdown in communication can be greatly resolved by a counselor. You could also develop compromises that work for both of you. When you "feel terrible" after a conversation then nothing has been accomplished because you don't feel satisfied. When you have solutions then you both walk away feeling better.
This atmosphere will also give you a chance to tell your wife how left out you feel. It must be tough to work weekends and you want to not feel any more resentful than you feel now. She has to be willing to compromise if there is going to be a solution. I would also suggest that you find a guide on communication such as the Mars and Venus Together Forever series. This can be resolved but you have to find a way to talk about it that is productive.
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