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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive been madly in love w/ my wife of 3yrs and loved 11! but

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I've been madly in love w/ my wife of 3yrs and loved 11! but since the past 5 yrs the spark has ALL but died due to NO infedelity that i know of... but form other issues. (But before i mention keep in mind that i KNOW we both try to put each before our selves!). Things years ago had started w/ the obiouse of taking each for granted but we cared enough to recognize on each terms at diff. times to appologize/reconect mostly temporarily unitl the the next incosiderate thing.nothing had ever been to major by our standards but has set a downward path only slowwly to become quickly. Where i bring our realtionship to present.... YEARS ago I had introduced my wife to my closest girl and guy best/closest friends that could be counted on! She had the same but only 2 that could ever be important to her and still are her 1/2 ONLY closest friends(both girls). Well good people can see through shit and recognize one another. Thats all I had and so did she(probale why we were compatible) But it seems today 6 yrs. later that my wife wants to hang w/ the friends significantly more that her original lifelong friends! Now dont get me wrong, they ALL still run w/ each other rarely, but the friend that i intriduced much,much more! THE EVER PRESENT DILLEMA..is that I (the husband who supports damn near the entire family w/ liitle help from wifes job) is CONSTANTY on the sidelines and HURTING BADLY that i cant make it to alot of the friend functions!! Thats because i work weekend when all get togethers are happening. I stopped getting calls from the best/closest of friend years ago due to this, but it seemed the wife could take my place those days.AS i had metioned earlier, her(2 lifelong closest friends) are the ones who have all the family get togethers therefore im a little more comfortable w/ that.(But still torn that i cant make them ESPECIALLY w/ a new 1yr old son!!!!) But whats happening is the best friend( a girl) i introduced my wife to,have now become best of friends! That friend is also married but has a really do what-you-wanna-do type of relationship w/ her husband. Ive been unable to contact her(my friend)nor has she returned any phone calls/etc. in months.BUT as ive said i work weekends when all fun is going on.It also so seems that all aboveboard/questionable/ and deceitfull things happen around that friend. Ive expressed my displeasure w/ her and the crew that hasnt grown up yet and still runs w/ her as THEY were also my closest of friends!BUT my wife feels that this has been her new best friend denying her true lifelong friends,myself, and any cosiderations towards toward us!My wife and i had been having MINOR reltionship ussues but i feel that my SO called (girl)friend was like dangling a corrot in front of a starving horse getting it where SHE wanted it to go!! Im SORRY to backtrack but i did'nt mention taht we have a 1 1/2yr son i said i would watch so she could be w/ friends and be home by 11pm. Well when i woke up to the phone ringing at !:35am w/ a drunk wife on the other end asking to stay w/ her friend at another of my married guy friends house and his wife along w/ 5 of my other so called friends ..I lost IT!!! HOW CAN I GET HER TO UNDERSTAND how hurtful things are w/ out telling her to/to not hang out w/?? ESPECIALLY the people i used to call MY friends??? ESPECIALLY how it hurt me to the CORE and her unkowing child???
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It sounds like your job is adding to your resentment of this relationship. As you know you need your wife to make some compromises in this relationship or you are going to have more than minor issues. A relationship is built on compromise and mutual respect. It is admirable that you have tried to resolve this on your own but it seems that the best thing you can do now is to find a couples counselor in your area. This breakdown in communication can be greatly resolved by a counselor. You could also develop compromises that work for both of you. When you "feel terrible" after a conversation then nothing has been accomplished because you don't feel satisfied. When you have solutions then you both walk away feeling better.

 

This atmosphere will also give you a chance to tell your wife how left out you feel. It must be tough to work weekends and you want to not feel any more resentful than you feel now. She has to be willing to compromise if there is going to be a solution. I would also suggest that you find a guide on communication such as the Mars and Venus Together Forever series. This can be resolved but you have to find a way to talk about it that is productive.

 

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