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Hello, thank for joining me. Please forgive any typos as I get very immersed in my work with you and sometimes my brain goes faster than my fingers.
I think you have made some good choices here. Until he gets consistent help with these angry and threatening outbursts it is really hard to predict how change will go. If he is motivated and sticks with it, then he will be able to learn the motivation for his anger and find alternate ways of dealing with his emotions. Right now you are in a safe place and that is good. You love him and I do hope he can make the changes necessary for you to be together.
I do hope you see how hacking into his FB page is crossing a boundary and boundaries need to be respected in a relationship and if you want him to respect yours, then you wil need to give him that same care. Does that make sense?
Yes it does. Thank you. I know i shouldn't have done it but we have both done it to eachother in the past and laughed at it. it was funny. so i thought nothing of it but have never done it again that's for sure. i understand he was angry but the way he acted was a total shock. i wasn't expecting it. sorry for any of my typos too
I am glad you see that and you are right since you have done this in the past and it was no big deal. I think he has some unresolved issues causing this anger and extreme acting of it out
Tell me what you are thinking?
i don't know what to do. i've been googling for advice all morning. i was thinking of maybe making some sort of probationary period or something. what do you think ? like 6 months apart or something where he has the chance to sort him self out and work on it and see someone. i just can't picture myself alone and without him. he was the other piece to my puzzle and we just fitted. i feel horrible watching any romance on tv, or seeing all this valentines day promotion.
I think it is a good idea to take this step back as he gets the help he needs. You can let him know how you care and love him and needs for him to get well so that you can have a life together. I know that Valentine's day can be tough but you still have love in your heart and that is a great thing. I hear your compassion and love for him.
i just ... wish it didn't have to be complicated. i grew up watching my parents perfect relationship. they are AMAZING. so i want what they have and think everyones relationship should be the same. if this had happened earlier in the relationship i would have walked away. i've done that before, as much as it hurt i walked away from someone who cheated on me. but it was an easier decision to make as we were only together for 3 months and he had complicated baby/ex-gf stuff going on. but with my man now, there is 16 months of magic that i just can't bear myself to leave behind. plus our dogs.
I truly understand all of that and applaud you for your passion and care. Are you in any contact with him currently?
Maybe you don't need a timeline on the the time apart but him getting help is a must and then maybe the two of you together at some point as he is settled in his treatment you can go together.
yes. we still communicate through text messages because i find it really hard to speak words. he came over yesterday to take the dogs for a few days. the dogs love going from my parents farm to the beach - they have got it good !! he asked me over for dinner tonight but i declined. i said maybe tomorrow night ? should i ? i was going to start getting some of my things on the weekend anyway. my parents really really liked him but after finding out - well mum doesn't want anything to do with him and they are so dissapointed. they think i should just walk away and forget about it and think i'd be crazy to go back. i don't want to upset them either because i live with them and respect them so much.
Hard to tell someone what to do when feelings are involved but I think the best course is that he shold be in treatment first.
I would be worried for your safety.
you're right. i don't want to give him a false hope that i might be forgiving him so he thinks well we are back on track again i don't need to go get help anymore.
And you dont want to go to a counselor together at some point?
And you are not desirous of going together for counseling at some point?
i was thinking that would be a good idea. i said i'm there to help him.
I like the idea of it too but I would hope he would in treatment first for himself. Would you agree with that?
yes i do
I know how hard this is for you and i am proud of how you have taken care of yourself up until now. you can love him and support him and when he gets the help you can go with him so you can work on the relationship and how his rage has affected you and the relationship.
thank you so much for all youe help. i feel a lot better now : )
it has been my pleasure. If you feel our time together was helpful please click accept and come back and find me anytime. Just put CoachJenK in before you type the rest of the text.
thanks again so much - hope you have a nice day : )