Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective
Your wife seems to be a difficult and manipulative person in some ways. This may account for her business success, and may indicate an underlying condition or narcissism. Narcissists need to be admired, especially as they age. They are also very good at conning others by telling them, quite convincingly, tales that are not true.
You caught your wife cheating 20 years ago, or she admitted it to you. This may be a long term pattern. Her obsessive behavior, latching on to "things" may also have been part of a cover-up for affairs that were tangentially and convincingly related to the "things" about which she obsessed.
Some researchers believe that OCD involving sex may be the same as nymphomania in some cases. I don't know the answers, but I am telling you what is known and talked about.
In my estimation, if your senses tell you that there is an affair brewing (and with all of the secrecy and intimate conversation I say that there probably is), and with this impending business deal with lots of private time spent together, then it seems likely that you should be expecting this to happen.
You have basically three options:
- -confront her and try to head it off before it happens; from what you say, this will not work and might help her "justify" her actions and make YOU responsible for them; (You drove her too it by your suspicious mind.)
- -ignore it and suffer in sllence (if you can) and suffer months or years of consequences in your relationship
- -take it as a deal-breaker and move on with your life without her
If she is a narcissist, and I believe that she might be, she will never level with you or be honest with you unless you have the "Polaroids" to prove it. Then you will still be blamed.
This is a hard time for you.. It is time to worry, or to take action. I wish you strength, courage, and wisdom.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC