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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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HI..i have anew friend i like alot and care about...iknow he

Customer Question

HI..i have anew friend i like alot and care about...iknow he cares back and says he trust me totaly ...i wish i know he likes me or not...and iam worried should i open up and tell him my feelings...but lately..he in away shocked me and i dont know why...he waited weeks to give me anews.in face though he could via phone or emails anyway he got amessage( throught afriend of his )..that there is aguy saw me once ( he doesnt know the guy)...and been asking about me.....and then he said if i accpet would i like to him arrange something to meet this aguy and act like i know nothing!!!!....i couldnt give him an answer i dont know if he sesne something ...that i like him...or not..but to do such athing what it means he is not interested in me at all or want to test me i dont know why he waited this long and tell me by face.!!! please help what to do....i like him alot !!!!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  David Akiva replied 2 years ago.

Duddy :

Welcome! I'm a Professional Counselor, Behavioral Consultant and Relationship Expert.

Duddy :

I'd like to chat with you for a few minutes to better understand the situation you describe and the your question.

Duddy :

I notice you are offline right now. I'll check back shortly for your response.

Customer:

iam waiting for an answer

Duddy :

As I mentioned in my opening response. I'd like to actually chat with you for a few minutes before posting an answer. I"ll monitor for your return to chat. Also, Please let me know of 1 or 2 times today that would be most convenient for us to chat, in case I am working with another customer at the time.

Customer:

hello iam online now for half an hour but you offline anyway tomorow saterday around 10.30 am i will be online hopefuly we can chat and help me with this issue...as need an advice if i saw my friend again and asked me if i still interested so he arrange meeting the other guy what should i say...i dont want anyother guy i like him.....so to understand more this friend i met him 6 month ago ..we are from different countries and diff. language...and when i moved he was so interested and helping me ..and felt he likes me ..but suddenly like things change...yes when we met most time we go quiet like we dont know what to say...and he always say iam areally good person and trsut me alot but ..we meet like once aweek...as he has other friends ...and when i see him i get tense in agood way like alot wanna say to him yet dont know what to say or how like worry to open up iam emotional person...i wish i can open up and be direct and tell him i do like him......other day he said only thing missing in his life is love and told him open your heart then..he replyed its open..but kinda worry or forgot how it should be or like maybe something better coming...( to me he is like afriad of relation) am i right...please help me..what to do...if i reveal my feeling to him...am i going to lose his friendship ?...or do men sense if women like them..and if he is interested he should approach ?

Duddy :

Hi I'm actually finishing for the day. Would you like me to op-out of this question so our other mental health experts can look at it? I'll be answering questions here again early Sunday morning EST.

Customer:

HII...ok no problem..but not even asmall hint or small adivce you can give me

Duddy :

Honestly, when I work with customers here I need to really spend some time fully understanding their situation and question. Would you like to work with me on Sunday morning or should I send your question back out for experts currently answering questions?

Customer:

sunday morning be fine

Duddy :

What time works for you? I'm in the EST time zone so right now it's 5:03 PM. I'll be online again around 8AM EST.

Customer:

the expert are online now can answer me or also have to wait

Customer:

iam in europe its like midnight for me now

Duddy :

You don't pay for a question here unless you are completely satisfied with an answer. Why not try another expert for now. If you're not satisfied with the answer you can work with me on Sunday. Does that make sense?

Customer:

yes i can try that

Duddy :

I can actually forward your question directly to another expert.

Customer:

ok sound good

Duddy :

Ok. I wish you the very best If I don't hear back from you. Take care.

Customer:

thank you

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

Your answer is very difficult to understand but I always urge people to be honest in sharing their feelings. It serves no purpose to hide your feelings and hope that the guy says something first. The best way to approach any situation that involves emotions is to be honest. This gives the guy a chance to react in a way where you know where you stand. Sometimes being friends is just a front for something that would be much more exciting. I suggest that you let him know that you want to be more than friends. Then you know what you are facing. If he returns your feelings you know something positive can come from this. If he doesn't then you still have a friendship

Please press accept

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

well thank you for the advice but i need to know from what he did what it means if you read what i wrote

 

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
The only concern I have is that when he said do you want to meet the guy. He could be seeing you as a friend. Or he could be testing you to see if you want to have a romantic interest in someone else. Sometimes we will find very creative ways to see if someone is interested or playing the field. The only way to know the difference is to ask him. Then there is no misunderstanding.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

OK thats true but why he would wait amonth to tell me this in face while he jus t could tell me via phone or email why it has to be in face...and when he saw me i got quiet and jsut couldntreply i dont know if he sense something and he start make jokes and say help me find someone...i know he is ateaser but is there any slight he likes me...coz he could tke the chance and asked me then coz i know he is ready for love he said it.......and he doesnt know this guy 9 his femal friend does) while the 3 of us been having coffee the other guy saw me so he carrying the message but yet iam sure it means either testing me or not interested in meand he always call me in my nickname...but he is sort of shy like me...been awhile for him to be in arelation...i dont know iam totaly lost and not reading the signes

 

 

 

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello again.....thank you for your brevious help.....since that time when he told me i havent seens him for 2 weeks and today suddenly i saw him with his male friend he came and say hello and asked me to join if i like....the last 2 weeks i tried call him and sent text message he didnt reply or tried to call...today he said i did call back but from my side i recieved nothing....and as text he said i only reply for resonable text..anyway....if i didnt care i wouldnt sit with him...at the end i left him after awhile with his friends...and said see you..he replyed so we are ok back to friendship....i said if we were not you wouldnt see me sitting here...and at end he wink me and i left........i know it means he does care........but did he say friendship as coz he care and he cant identify what we have...or that what only he wants.................and his male friend kept ask me personal question and kept talking about him ////..iam still lost but i feel best thing to stay as friend and control my feelings when ever i see.though i wish i can shae it with him...everytime i see him my heart beat fast...and i even notice he is tense keep his hand together like playing with his finders nails...i dont know if it means anything...though today he didnt speak much....
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I need to ask onemore thing...since that incident i havent any chance talk to him and he is like avoiding me...3 days ago i sawhim briefly and asked him if we can do smth that day he said maybe cofee..and he didnt call..i sent him amessage told him i wanted to see him sort of to reconcile..coz the way we became is wrong.......and i do care..thats why iam trying....after awhile i got areply from him...saying....Relaxe.iam drunk.love u. ... thats all i got from him and then he send saying going to sleep and it was only 6pm...since then he wondnt reply to my sms and i even try to call but he didnt reply...did he really mean it or regreting it..or just being shy and not sure..he makes me more and more confused..why to say love me..when he never said anything like that...please i would like to hear your opinion what shall i do....should i try to call him....or avoide seeing him

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello again..i think you are right....i should get over it...the thing is when i saw him for aminute after his test message saying love me while he is drunk..he say we will have coffee and talk..but that day he was happy and looking at me...anyway deep inside me i was upset coz only i wanted 5 minute to talk and he not giving it to me....and things i feel turn he didnt call...and i sent him amessage and was upset....then he replyed saying he was working and generay he really doesnt have anything with me..and he cant save me coz he is trying to save himself... !!!!! i got more upset when i recieved this message.....coz he judge without me giving me chance to explain..and if i needed anything is him as afriend...as he know ima totaly knew in the country and diff. language...all i wanted to check from time to time..but i guess iam wrong not all people the same..iam kind of people that give and stand by there friend and maybe i expect the same and which is wrong....frustration sometimes controls me coz iam avery emotional person....i need to control myself and change within...but it is painful coz he is agreat person and i like him alot........i dont know how to reach him and make him understand like iam losing the words and comunication task....deep inside i know he does care....small thing he did show me before...and many times he said he trust me totaly....but it seems not being able to explain my behaviour..pushing him away..i dont know how to gain him back as aclose friend...and remove any emation deep inside me ..and just let it go and if it ever happen it should be first from his side
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello again sorry for late reply ....i been very down lately...and i feel i lost my friend totaly...as been month we didnt go out...though once we wew suppose to have acoffee then cancled for he got work last minute and never rescedul it...yet after awhile i saw hm accidently and asked me how iam doing and said exactly...IAM not gonna say will call u and these things coz i DO HAVE to call you !!! and do smth very soon and thats been aweek and he never made this call.....i know he is concern about his work alot but that doesnt stop him from seeing his other friends..i feel or my thinking he feel shy coz lately not being call and feel bad...or he doesn like me and doesnt know how to say or what to do ..coz for him it matters as think i have avery very rich life and that scares him ..coz my sister is married to arich person and have afantasy life though right from star told him its my sister life not MINE...i have anormal life !!! this point i feel it scares him coz many times he use to say he is stress out if saw my sister or husband coz of ME........................would like to hear your opinion

many thanks

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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psychlady
psychlady
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I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues