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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi , Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I am a in a loving committed relationship with a gorgeous girl..But

Customer Question

I am a in a loving committed relationship with a gorgeous girl..But our sex life is not what I was hoping for. I would like to have sex a little more often, something I think she is happy with but she lacks any enthusiasm. She has some underlying confidence issues and wont open up to me when I approach the subject, when we do talk about our sex life I always feel like the bad person. I miss the little things, like her wanting to cuddle me, or her asking for a kiss. I feel like I do all the chasing, not to mention the cooking cleaning and household maney part. I know I shouldnt be jealous of our cats, but I do feel like they are a preferred cudle option to me. All and any advice is welcome and Thank you in advance
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

I understand your feelings. Sex if a very common problem with couples. You can talk about this and reach a compromise but first you have to talk about it effectively. Do that by figuring out how to talk about this by considering gender. My favorite guide is Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. It considers gender in talking about sex within a couple. When you learn to communicate better then the issue can be resolved. You can also consider a brief stay with a couples counselor so that you can address this in a neutral setting. Then the cats won't be an issue. You can resolve this together by first talking about what you need.


I would use Mars and Venus to really look at how to talk about this together. This can also blossom into a discussion about the division of labor. Learn how to compromise in such a way that both of you feel satisfied. Offer to increase intimacy through date nights and this may lead to greater romance. If you nourish a relationship with time and romance it is never wasted.


Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 4 years ago.



Talking about your sex life with your partner can be difficult especially if you believe that she has some insecurities. You'd seem like the bad guy if she perceives that the talk is a personal attack on her. Of course, you're not in complete control of what she choses to believe. It may be helpful to focus on what she likes even if she seems to be all right with how things are going on.


Let her know that because you love her, you want her to experience the most pleasure when the two of you are intimate. Even if she's shy at first, ask her to show you what feels good. Prompt her to talk about her fantasies by telling her that this is a normal adult interaction and that there is nothing shameful about it. At the same time, show her what feels good to you.


Women engage in intimacy when they feel 1/secure and 2/ desired. Do things for her that make her feel special i.e compliments, bubble baths, giving her a massage, buying her lingerie, etc. If you want to cuddle more, you can initiate it still and then tell her that it makes you feel close to her emotionally as well as physically. Women rely more on emotional intimacy while men on physical one to feel connected. When you bring up the subject of intimacy, focus on what feels good to her, what is desirable, what she may be interested in trying. You can still talk about novel things to try in bed and you may get some videos for couple's that give both of you some ideas. Some individuals are less demonstrative and that may be the case with her. It would take time for her to get out of her shell and as long as you seem supportive and encouraging to her, she would respond to your queues.


Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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