Hi, I recently met up with my ex-girlfriend for the first time since I broke up with her, and have been thinking about it ever since. When I ended our over 2 year relationship, I told her that I didn't want her out of my life completely because I truly do care about her. She, understandably, rejected that and wanted to just make a clean break of things with no contact which I respected and honored. After 8 months of our only communication being Happy Birthday texts, we saw each other while mourning the loss of a common friend. Our interaction was very pleasant and seemed like it would have been the same even in normal circumstances. I realized that I still do care about her and would like to have some sort of contact with her. We didn't get into details about each others romantic lives (I am single) so I don't know if she's moved on in that respect, but she has made some improvements in her life that I am genuinely happy about for her.
I feel embarrassed to write this next part but it's necessary for full disclosure. I am searching my soul for the reasons why I've thought so much about our encounter. Is it out of jealousy, as she seems to have progressed along just fine without me? (that is incredibly pathetic to actually read. I loathe my thought/emotional processes that produced such an uncaring, immature, selfish notion, as though she should still be heartbroken and just waiting for me to ask for her back. I am ashamed at this.)
Part of the reason I ended our relationship was because she was in an unhealthy living situation and frequently let those issues carry over into our relationship. Am I considering now that things between us would be different since she has changed that part of her life and seems to be in a good living environment?
I certainly do not want to hurt her again and am sincerely XXXXX XXXXX the thoughts in the intial question of the 2nd paragraph. I also realize that this may be all moot if she wants nothing further to do with me and/or has begun a new relationship, but I had such strong feelings and made a such a personal investment in our time together that I wanted to get these feelings out and have them professionally assessed. There is certainly more to this the deeper I think about it, but I would appreciate feedback on the situation so far.