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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1777
Experience:  Providing the Utmost Care and Support
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My boyfriend broke up with me. He says he still loves me and

Customer Question

My boyfriend broke up with me. He says he still loves me and still wants to hang out. But this is difficult for me.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

JenK :

Good morning.

JenK :

He sounds a bit confused. is there a reason he has given for breaking up?

Customer:

I was starting my cycle and was picking at him a bit. Nothing drastic, but not nice. He became angry and I went home to my place. He wouldn't answer my texts or phone calls for two days. Then he called me and told me to come pick up my cat and my things and leave the key to his house.

JenK :

Well that sounds a bit extreme to end a relationship when things get a bit tough. It makes me wondering if he wants his cake and eat it too? When he says hang out does that mean intimacy as well?

Customer:

I did as he said and he was very cold. I went by his place a few days later to pick up some of my things. He had tears in his eyes and said he still loved me. I did the same. I had to leave though. So the next day he brought all of my things to my house in boxes. He was very cold and said he needed time. The next day (yesterday) he called me and I asked if we were broken up and he said "yes, but we can still talk." He picked me up that eve to help me purchase a dvd player. He came to my house and sat for a bit but wouldn't touch me. I asked him if he loved me and he said "yes" immediately. I told him I didn't want to lose him. He was quiet and would not touch me. He left and that was it.

JenK :

sorry for some typos.

Customer:

np

JenK :

I feel your pain and i am sorry that you are experiencing that right now.

Customer:

I don't know what to do at this point. If he loves me then why is he breaking up with me? Is there a chance he will change his mind? So confused.

JenK :

I hear this type of thing often and what i like to say is that it becomes about what you can tolerate....meaning that if it feels okay to hang in for a bit to see how it plays out, then do it, but if it is tto painful then you know your next step.

Customer:

But if I hang with him then it doesn't give him a chance to miss me, right? I want the long term we were speaking of...marriage and such.

JenK :

I am concerned though about his very extreme response to some difficulty and worry that this is how it will always be with this man? The way to get through difficult spaces is to communicate through them not to toss each other out without expressing oneself. Does that make sense?

Customer:

Yes it does make sense. He is normally decisive and this is the first time he has actually broken it off for good.

JenK :

You always have the option to say I want to be your lover and girlfriend and not just a friend. Until you are ready to give that as well i need to take a step back. That stance is totally up to you and whether that feels right for you. MY goal is to support whatever feels right for you.

Customer:

I know that is the right thing to do, to tell him I want to be his lover and girlfriend and not just a friend. It hurts just being a friend. On the other hand I'm torn between severing the relationship all together and losing the chance to be together again.

JenK :

I understand that. I want you to sit with your feelings about which course of action feels more true to who you are and follow that. Expressing yourself to him is crucial so if you decide to back off you let him know that you are doing it because it is too painful but you want him back and will do whatever you can to make that happen.

Customer:

That is good advice. Thank you. That is what I will do.

JenK :

I am here to support you if you need. You can always come back and find me and put my name in before you type an dit should come to me. If you feel our time together has been helpful please hit the accept button.

Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1777
Experience: Providing the Utmost Care and Support
Coach Jen K. and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
If you are still lost, i want to be able to support you. Let me know how I can help.

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