I found out from my son that my husband is buying a puppy, and that he wants us to keep it in the house, even though I have told him many times that we don't need another dog, let alone one that is going to be in our house. Besides that, we are still renting from my mother-in-law. I don't know what to do.
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So your husband is acting irrationally. You find out through your son
Is this a power contest on his part?
I think so.
When faced with the irrationality of his actions in the past what does he do?
Can I tell you something else?
Does he always involve your son in these attempts at irrationally seizing control of the situation or is it usually just between the two of you?
I've told him that I would like to go back to school, and he tells me that I can't until I get a job. And recently, he added that I can't go to school until James gets back from his mission.
he involves our son.
Is he expecting you to listen to him after he does this kind of thing?
I have no clue. But he obviously doesn't care about anything I say or how I feel.
No he must understand that there is logic to what you say.
He tries to justify what he is doing, but it makes no sense.
He must respect your ability to just disregard him the way he disregards you
yes I agree, but he doesn't.
He is being very passive aggressive. What if you said some of what we are talking about to him?
He would probably deny it or something like that.
So it is hard to get him to be serious
It really hurts my feelings, and I'm sick of putting up with his crap!
Well you need to do what my wife does, which is exactly what she wants. I tolerate it because she is always very sensable about it and never abuses herr freedom.
Like when he suprises you with the dog be firm that it is an outside dog
What do you mean--she never abuses her freedom?
AAnd he tells his mother about it
I mean that she never does anything outrageous but she does make up her mind about things like going to school and then tells me after she had enrolled
Sometimes he yells at me and talks down to me. He acts a lot like his mother.
I get scared sometimes.
When he yells I would simply say that I will not talk to him while he is angry and when he calms down we can return to the argument
okay. I'll try that i guess.
It takes two to argue and if only one person is yelling then it is a diatribe or an angry outburst
I would only leave the room when he is angry if you are sure that wont get him more angry.
It is also OK to tell him when he is calm that you are tired of him acting like his mother
He has an explosive temper sometimes, and it scares me.
By the way does he ignor her like he does you when he wants something?
I'm not sure.
Maybe he does sometimes.
An explosive temper is another problem. when someone is esclating it is best to rephrase what he is saying so that he knows that you have heard what he is saying. It is a trick I learned from studding attorneys who do this all the time.
This will calm him down. You have to make sure you are not making any comments on what he has to say. Does he know that your son will learn this type of anger from him?
I would suggest to him when you talk about how he does not want his son to have the same explosive temper that they may both want to go to a martial arts school together. It works great for controing your anger
Maybe that's something I should take, too.
My son had a terrable temper and I had him go to Tai Quan Do four times a week for several years. He is now calm and in control. Also he is not afraid of other people attacking him
I have studied Tai Chi for 30 years and it calms me down
what is that?
Tai Chi is a soft martial art like TaiQuanDo or Akedo
As opposed to a hard martial art like karate
What do they do in Tai Chi and TaiQuanDo?
It involves soft movements and internal control. Karate uses sharp strong movements that are crisp and direct
24 years in a private practice