How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Suzanne Your Own Question

Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Suzanne is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been dating a man for over a year now and I found out

Resolved Question:

I have been dating a man for over a year now and I found out that he has a commitment phobia. I realized that he is a man I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I told him about it and he admitted that he seriously considered me to be his future wife and that he sees his future together with. However, we had some arguments in the past that we could not resolve peacefully and we broken up for a couple of times but then got back together. Due to that fact he said that he would like to see more of us, meaning he would like to be together more to be completely sure. He also admitted that he is very cautious about committing not because I cannot be trusted it is because of him and how he perceive a relationship. He admitted that he is scared of commitment but also said he will work on it and he needs time. Well, another issue is that that same time we spoke, I found out that he is talking to a girl on the phone. He said that she is a friend from the past and she contacted him recently and he talked on the phone, he also mentioned that she had some issues with her mother's sickness and he is just being a friend. However, he showed me their call log and I saw that she called him Saturday night after midnight three times. While we together someone called his phone 5 times and after midnight as well. He said it is probably his brother but I think it was that girl. I told him that I do not like it and I do not accept that type of friendships he has. He said that not much he can do because he does not know how to prove me that she is just a friend. He also added that she has a boyfriend and she knows that he has me, which I doubt is true because a girl who has a boyfriend would not dial another man after midnight every 40 minutes. PLease advise me what to do in this situation. I love this man and would like to be with him but he is also is afraid of commitment and he is talking to that other girl (it is not a first time I found he is talking to other women). It is always some girl from the past/college and they always call/text him.

What to do in this situation?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

 

You know you're not getting a truthful answer from him about this woman. If she has a boyfriend, there's very little chance that she would be calling him after midnight...or that she would need to lean on him when she has a boyfriend.

 

You know he has a commitment problem, and most likely, a history of cheating. Even though you have feelings for him, he's a poor risk for a husband. If he's doing this now, when he should be on his best behavior, imagine how much more he will do it if you ever got married and he can take you for granted.

 

He knows how much this hurts you, yet he refuses to make it stop. Is this how you picture your husband treating you? During the first year or so of a relationship, you're seeing a man at his best. This-- how he's acting right now--is as good as it's ever going to be.

 

A man in love puts his partner's feelings first. He's not doing that. Think about choosing someone instead who devotes himself to making you feel secure, loved, and cherished.

 

A person doesn't--and can't--change his personality because someone asks him to. He is who he is...and he's going to waste a lot of your time while he's "working" on something he can't change without a lot of intensive therapy (his inability to commit).

 

 

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
Suzanne and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency