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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I divorced my ex husband a year ago. he is an alcoholic and

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I divorced my ex husband a year ago. he is an alcoholic and we had a very rocky marriage. we have two children together and i left him when our youngest was not even one. we have been seperated just over two years now. He has now been clean for 6 months. I am in another relationship however i cannot stop thinking about my ex husband and if we would be able to work out. It consumes my daily thoughts. the man i am with now is really wonderful, thoughtful and caring and is great to my kids and i am confused cause worried if i let him go i will be making a huge mistake.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

 

Six months sober is not enough time to judge his recovery. I would suggest not making any decisions until he has been out of rehab at least a year.

 

The chaos of the alcoholic marriage can make life seem more exciting--although in a very negative way. It can be hard to adjust to a dependable, loving man who doesn't offer that chaos. Usually a woman who has lived with alcoholism is used to having to do everything for other people--and it can be hard for her to adjust to having

a partner who doesn't need her to clean up the messes of his life.

 

Since you grew up in alcoholism and married an alcoholic, I hope you have found your way into the rooms of Al-anon. Al-anon Unless you have your own recovery from the affects of living with alcoholism, you'll continue to be drawn to the drama.

 

If you got back with your ex, the chances are very high that you two would fall back into the old behavior problems--even without the alcohol. Your children deserve a chance to experience life without the turmoil...and would also benefit from going to Alateen when they get older.

 

In the meantime, if you've never read any of Melody Beattie's books, this would be a good time to read Co-dependent No More: http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1327322228&sr=1-1 and perhaps also get her daily reader: http://www.amazon.com/Language-Letting-Go-Hazelden-Meditation/dp/0894866370/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_2

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