Besides speaking to counselors, what is some advice you can offer me with the following concern? Everything was going great until difficult events happened to me at the same time - the unexpected death of a loved one, wrongful termination of my job (which may lead to a potential court case), undue verbal insults made by a boss, no support from upper management, and taking care of my few surviving family members. I know that since I couldn't control these circumstances, I shouldn't take them personally. Yet I tend to beat myself up over them. I would like to add that I have studied some psychology and I'm curious to know what some of your general good advice would be.
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Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you might be experiencing grief over your losses and stress related to caring for others. Whenever someone experiences several losses at once like you have, you are going to feel very overwhelmed with your feelings. You do not have to experience a death to have a significant loss. Any loss including through your job, losing a friendship or even something you really wanted but cannot have is a loss. Also, caregiving has a stress all it's own. Adding the stress of caregiving on top of grief can cause you to feel as if you do not have enough resources to cope.
It is hard to not take so many losses personally. Most people begin to question themselves and what they did to deserve to suffer so much all at one time. And most people want to avoid the feelings that go with a loss because they are hard to bear. But you can help by allowing yourself time to grieve. It takes time to work through your feelings. And learning more about loss and grief can help you by showing you that you are not alone with how you feel. Finally support can make a big difference in your recovery. Consider support groups either on line or in person.
Also, see if you can get some help in dealing with your caregiving responsibilities. If your family members are elderly, try your local Area Agency on Aging. If not, try your local United Way for other resources in your area. Take as many breaks as you can. If you can arrange time away, do so. A change in scenery can help a lot to reduce your stress.
Here are some resources to help you get started:
I hope this has helped you,Kate
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Hello!Thank you for your thoughtful advice.The links you offered me were great. Do you recommend any links on handling a difficult boss whom I reasonably suspect is also prejudicial?
You're welcome! I am glad I could help.
Dealing with a boss who is difficult can be very tricky. This is not someone you can just get away from and that you can reason with (many have personality disorders). They are in a position of authority and can cause problems for you even to the point of losing your job. And if the boss has the respect and ear of their superiors, then you have little recourse when dealing with how they treat you.
If you feel your boss is being prejudice towards you and/ or other employees, then you may have a case with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Here is a link to their site:
In order to cope with your boss's behavior, you can try writing the things he/ she does down in a notebook. Note the date, time and situation each time your boss does something against you. When you feel you have enough, present it to human resources.
You can also approach human resources if you feel they are open to hearing about what is going on. Take any other employees who have been victimized with you, or any witnesses to what your boss has done to you. The more people you have, the more convincing you will be.
Here are other links that may help you find more ways to cope:
If I can help any further, please let me know.