How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Mark Manley Your Own Question

Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
56283723
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Mark Manley is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Dating after a 10yr marriage

Resolved Question:

I have been seperated from my husband for 2 years,and my divorce will be final next month. During the time I didn't date for over a year. I decided to take time to myself to deal with my emotions, and had 18 mo's of therapy. Four months ago I met an incredible guy who really got my attention. He's 37 divorced has 2 teenage boys (14 & 16)  with shared custody. I'm 39 and don't have any children.


He is the first person to awaken such a deep desire in me, since my last relationship. I have met others in between, but none that have really made me consider the possibility of having a relationship again. When we first met we had an instant attraction, great chemistry, constant communication and saw each other within 5 days of meeting, and a few times after that.


Then a little over a month ago our communication became a bit more distant. In other words not on a daily basis. It went from a few times a week to a couple times a month. I understan he's a busy person with perhaps more responsabilites due to his children. I just don't know how to interpret what may have changed, if anything. He had the same responsabilites when I met him, and he still managed to make a call or send me a message, and would reply to my messages.


 I haven't spoken to him for a couple weeks, I think of him often and find myself quite attracted to him.


However, I don't know if I should be the one to continue pursuing interaction or simply let him be the one who calls next. Especially if it was me who left him a message on New Years's and still haven't heard from him. This is one of the reasons I dislike dating! I don't like dealing with guessing. If I meet someone I know it's not going to go anywhere with. I let them know in the nicest way possible. When it comes to men, they just stop calling or call every  once in a while.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
He is not showing sufficient interest to pursue him further. It is his turn, if he doesn't take his turn, take it as a message that he is not nearly as interested as you are. I am sure he is busy with two teens and all of life but there is always time for romance if one is motivated enough. Don't write him off all together as it may just be poor timing and something may come to fruition later. After your divorce is final try to be open to dating other men as well.

Sorry to say he just isn't feeling it like you are. Don't take it personal and keep moving forward with your life.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I agree that there's always time for romance. Unfortunately the language spoken by men and women is so different. When they say," I'll call you later" really means," I will call you eventually." Women, especially like myself...like more direct answers. For example, " I will call you tomorrow." This is what makes it so difficult at times when dating. I try to be understanding, patient, but often it has been taken for granted.

Although, he may have shown interest at first and said he liked me. This may not be a good time for either one of us. Besides, I should still just focust on how I'm going to move on with my life..on my own. Having things come to a hault like this, is not an easy pill to swallow when you really like someone. In this case only time will tell if,"somehting may come to fruition later" like you said.

 

Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Yes, I mean he could make time to for romance in his schedule if he wanted to. This is why I think he is not showing a lot of interest and you should just move on with your life and see if he calls you later. If he does call , don't expect him to be as interested in pursuing a relationship as you are because he isn't showing signs of that level of interest. I am sorry he is not reciprocating your level of interest.

Dating is not for cowards, you are right it can be hard work and painful too.

Best of luck to you.
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Mark Manley and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions