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Ask Dr. Keane Your Own Question

Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I met this girl 4 times now. Pretty much everyday last week.

Customer Question

I met this girl 4 times now. Pretty much everyday last week. I have been very forthcoming that i like her. She wont kiss me. I can wait but cant tell whats going on in her mind.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 4 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

I can help you.

Dr. Keane :

First can you tell me how old you are and how old is she?

Customer: I m 34 and she is33
Dr. Keane :

great, if you were under 18 I couldn't answer!! so you met her and like her. Does she seem to like you? are you arranging to meet up each day or do you not plan to meet? I'm sorry to ask the questions but need more information before I can give you my best response. Tell me more about how you met etc.

Customer: She seems to like me. I told her i will only kiss her if she feels ready and she said she is not. We otherwise have a great time together. She finds me funny and vice versa. We met last monday, wednesday, thursday and yesterday. I kind of asked to meet each time. I told her yesterday that now i will wait for her to ask to meet.
Customer: R u there?
Dr. Keane :

thanks for the information. I am glad you were able to ask tell her you'd like to kiss her and I like that she has enough self esteem to say what she feels, and that is not ready. It could be you have been the one to ask to meet up because it's only been four times ! You do have to give her time to ask you! That doesn't mean you can't talk to her before she "asks". This may be moving too fast for her, she may be the type that needs to really get to know someone before the relationship goes any further. If you really like her then play it smart (which you did by saying you'll wait for her to ask to meet). Sounds like you are smitten and hopefully she is too. If you have a great time together then just enjoy those moments, the rest will follow when she is more comfortable. If she feels you are too eager to move into more personal space when she isn't threre you risk the chance that she will back off. Start with developing a great friendship, that's how love begins.

Dr. Keane :

yes, just typing

Dr. Keane :

remember four days is not a long time at all.....and waiting for that kiss may make it all the more sweeter when you finally do kiss!

Dr. Keane :

and you could start with a kiss on the cheek or hug when you meet up, nothing threatening.

Customer: Okay. No i can wait. That is not an issue. Its just that we almost spent 20 hours together which generally used to be like 10 dates for me in the past. My past relationships have been superfast compared to this one. And i told her that too. And i dontknow yesterdaywhen she said "lets take it easy" why she said that.
Customer: We were not talking about a kiss or anything physical. We had a wonderful time together. And at the end she said that
Dr. Keane :

she probably said that because she feels you are moving too fast, it may have been okay with your past relationships but not everyone moves that fast and obviously she doesn't. Be careful you don't give her the impression that you just can't wait, play it cool, let her take the lead . I would also suggest you keep any information about your past relationships quiet for now, she may feel you are comparing and you don't want that....she sounds as though she is very such of herself and what she needs, that is a good quality. Today many girls (and guys) feel that if they don't jump into a relationship have sex after a date or two that they will get dumped. It's nice to see that she is not insecure.

Dr. Keane :

I don't know what she meant by take it easy, does that mean no phone calls, texts or is it the gist of the relationship moving forward? If it's the relationship you can do that.

Customer: Okay. Thanks. Ladt question. I think i said something which i m not sure if i said a dumb thing by saying " please try not to look so attractive till i m suppose to behave""
Customer: After that the lets take it easy came
Dr. Keane :

Not dumb, you were trying to express how you feel about her in a humorous way, it was a compliment, she knows you are ready and she isn't. It's that simple. Just behave, if you want tell her that your last comment was meant as just that a comment on her beauty, and her response was hey, lets take it easy, in other words, slow down I'm not ready!!. I hope this helps. Please accept so I get credit for my reply and enjoy the experience,

Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1760
Experience: PHD LPC
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