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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5798
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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My BF and I have been togather for five months now.The last

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My BF and I have been togather for five months now.The last two weeks have been awkward so We are taking some space. He called the other day and i brought up the awkwardness, he got defensive and said maybe you should come pick up your belongings. He said he would call me yesterday so I could come get them. Its now been a day and I havent heard from him. Im so confused dont want to call him and I dont know what to do..Help!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like your boyfriend either has an anger issues and is easily upset, or he may be trying to control you and the relationship.


When someone in a relationship want to control, they often try to hurt or manipulate the other person by breaking up with them. They want to cut themselves off emotionally so the other person becomes confused, guilty and vulnerable and willing to do anything to repair the relationship. This puts the person in control.


Your boyfriend's refusal to communicate with you about what he is trying to figure out is unfair. You are part of the relationship and deserve at least an idea of what is bothering him. In an exclusive relationship, the partner's are obligated to at least share some level of emotional connectiveness. But when one partner refuses to share and their behavior affects the other person, then it becomes a relationship problem.


Since your boyfriend will not communicate with you, it is up to you to decide how you want to handle this situation. If you want to stay in the relationship, then you will need to allow for his behavior. He is doing this because he was taught that treating your partner this way is how you get your needs met. So he is unlikely to change unless he sees something wrong with what he is doing. You may just have to wait him out in that case.


But if you want to separate and take a break or leave the relationship, you can contact him and make arrangements to collect your things. It would be a good idea to bring someone with you, preferably a brother or other male friend just in case.


If you are able to get back with your boyfriend, you may want to eventually suggest counseling to him so this kind of problem does not happen again.


I hope this has helped you,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well im not sure he has anger issues maybe emotional issues. Hes been through a lot and doesnt have family so i guess my question is, what does it mean by him not calling me to come get my things. does he still want to be together?
Expert:  TherapistMaryAnn replied 5 years ago.

He may want to be with you. But he is unable to allow those feelings to surface because his need to control is too strong. He is not calling you because he wants to see if he can make you feel bad. All you did was ask him to talk to you. His response is over the top, which tells you that this is about him and not about you.



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