How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
52358615
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am divorced with 3 beautiful responsible daughters. For

Resolved Question:

I am divorced with 3 beautiful responsible daughters. For 2 1/2 years I have dated my high school best friend. I love this man more than words can describle. He is my best friend... is kind and generous... and everything I could want from a partner. We do not live together or are we married... although both subject have been discussed. Here is the problem... his 16 year old daughter. I have known her since she was a little girl... we live in a small town and have even been her teacher. She used to love me and I was like her 2nd mom until I dated her father. Her own mother is in the picture but dad has primary placement due to the mothers drinking issues... which are very bad. His daughters life has not been ideal to say the least with her mother. Prior to him dating me ... he did date another woman she does have a strong attachment to ... she cares about her but in my opinion a slightly better version of her mom because she doesn't really have her life together either. The daughter is using drugs... just about anything she can get a hold of.... sex with anyone even older men in their 20s... fighting .... hanging out with some very questionable people as far as her safety. She is very angry with me... probably jealous because her dad loves me too.... she at this point won't even talk to me... probably because I will tell her dad what I know and I actually love her and want her to get her life together. She deserves better and her problems with her mom are no excuse not to do everything to get her a better life. Again we are not on talking terms and her dad feels sorry for her so he disciplines but then goes back. we are not seeing each other much at th is point due to his daughters hate of me. But we are still a couple. We see each other when we can and go away here and there but I am staying away from his house for now while he tries to be there for her. She needs more supervision and she needs him... otherwise she runs to moms where she gets none and does her self destructive behavior. Its very stressful on my relationship with him because we would like to be together even married. She had some counseling when younger... he's looking at his church for some help since his finances limit him as to what he can do. She is definately self destructive.... selfish... and manipulating our relationship. Her vow has been to break us up and get him back together with is ex girlfriend. He has told her that's not happening but she can have a relationship with is ex. His ex does care about her.... but she doesn't have her life fully together right now either... no job and legal problems and parties enough herself... let me say I am polar opposite of her mother and the ex girlfriend. I'm very kind and generous and I have my life for the most part together.... except for this. I respect her asking me to stay away and that I will never be family to her.... so be it if it need be. How do I get through this with the love of my life and help her. She doesn't have to love me and she can hate me forever I want her to get her life together. And I hate to see my guy going through this ... he keeps trying and she goes right back. She has a half sister age 19 with similar behaviors. He doesn't want to keep her from her sister.... I say she needs to get away from the people she does these things with. My guess is her sister and maybe mom have introduced her to this life. What to do for him and for her.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like his life is very chaotic. Unfortunately children act out by behaving badly and sometimes target one person for their discontent. She seems to be of the school that negative attention is better than no attention. You can't stop her behavior right now. She has fixated her anger on you. Maybe because you are so different from her mom. Some of this anger may be towards the situation. She has a broken home now. And she focuses this anger on you. Sometimes children will see the girlfriend as the source of all her problems. You can't fix this because you are the imaginary source of the problem. The common denominator is her father. He has to fix this. Seeing someone in his church is a great idea. If this doesn't happen you can log onto the American Psychological Association and find a therapist near you. It may mean calling around for someone who does a fee sliding scale.

 

I think the situation is temporary since your partner has included you in this situation. I would communicate with him but let him handle it on his end.

 

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency