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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ok, This guy and I have been friends for about 15 years - We

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Ok, This guy and I have been friends for about 15 years - We know each other on a certain level and then again we don't know each other. I'm 32 and divorced twice (first relationship was abusive, second was my mistake in taking on a younger guy with LOTS of immaturity that he never grew out of). He was in a serious relationship for about 3 years and engaged to this girl. That's been about a year and a half ago.

Over the New Year's weekend we spent the weekend going out in Dallas and to a new year's bash in Oklahoma and then another night in Fort Worth. Great time, kissed and we slept together. We both say we are interested, but he lives in Fort Worth and I in Tyler, Tx (2 hours apart).

Through bantering via text he said he is confident in having a best friend out of this no matter which way the situation goes.

He has initiated texts and calls, but also expressed that our situation is pretty different due my just being divorced. I admit I am anxious to know if he has intentions of truly trying date me (even though it is long distance), etc.

So this is where you tell me how play the game. I assume I am to relax, roll with this and just see where it goes; don't ask relationship questions and simply wait for him to make all the next moves, right? When am I allowed to respond? When am I allowed to initiate?

He got me a little New year's gift and sent me home wearing his T-shirt, along with CD's to listen to and a to-go coffee mug. I have several items that belong to him and I need to know how to relax and not over analyze this! I need a freaking play book.

The craziest part of this is that we have been friends for so long; but he even said that he knows I tend to over analyze things and I might be over analyzing this situation, so I just need to relax and roll with it.

Where do you think he is at and how do I keep myself from going crazy anticipating all of this??

Ok, I think that is the gist of it....so please let me know what you think. Thank you!!!!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It sounds you want a relationship with him but he is hesitant. You are an analyzer and a planner and he is a spontaneous type. This can be overcome but you both have to deal with your issues in your own way. Your tendency to analyze does have to be monitored. It sounds like he wants a relationship with you but he is able to prepare for the worst. He has the friend role in his mind in case it doesn't work out. The problem with his philosophy is that if a relationship goes badly the friendship is usually damaged. I would give it a little time so that he doesn't feel that you are pressuring him. Slowly let him know that you need to know where you stand. I am not saying to just go with the flow indefinitely. Every person wants to know where the relationship is going. I would initiate a discussion when the relationship isn't as new. You should expect being in any relationship that you should be able to talk about it. If you work together on your communication you won't feel so anxious that you aren't supposed to ask the important questions.

 

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