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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Ive had an online friendship with another woman for about

Customer Question

I've had an online friendship with another woman for about 10 months now.......we both live in the same town, and originally, had agreed that we should meet in person.....as time went on, she became hesitant, so I agreed to "take that off the table"......just wanted to remain "online friends". Now, she has "disappeared" with no explanation......we last "talked" two weeks ago, with her ending her message with "hope to talk soon"......and nothing since. I waited a week or so before messanging her, but she has not responded....this is very unlike her, we usually would talk at least once a day or so....... I don't know how I should "approach" this....and if it turns out she doesn't respond....how do I let go of this relationship? We shared a lot of personal information...and we were really close.....
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  CompassionateMFT replied 2 years ago.

CompassionateMFT :

The unfortunate thing about "online friends" is that you don't really know who you are dealing with. She could of been a completely made up character right out of a book. She may have already been in a relationship while building a connection with you and had to end it suddenly. One really never knows the intention of the other person via internet due to the simple fact that there is so much more to communication than verbal.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
strategies and ways to let go of this person who was/is very important to me....even if it was "only an online relationship"....we shared a lot.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I believe that many successful relationships can be found on the web. I believe that in most cases you DO know who you are dealing with and you do share real communications, and can share emotions and even intimacy. The telephone is even closer because you can hear the verbal cues and nuances that may not be as evident in writing.

In centuries gone by, great romances were carried on between potential lovers, carried by ships crossing the oceans with sometimes several months between replies. Our spirits don't need instant face-to-face communication.

On the other hand, a psychopath can look you in the eye and tell you totally credible lies and deceive you, to your death.

In your case, if you care about this woman, then I believe you should contact her. Don't give up so easily. Perhaps there was an email glitch and the correspondence went down a rabbit hole somewhere. Perhaps her computer was down. Perhaps she was ill. Don't turn this into a catastrophe. Take positive action.

If she still doesn't reply, and your daily communication had become a sort of unwritten or unspoken promise of back and forth responses, then you owe it to her and to yourself to try to get in touch with her by other means, trying telephone, snail mail, courier delivery of mail, or as a last resort finding her in person if you can, even if just to deliver a note.

Perhaps this is her way of trying to end it (because she is frightened of moving forward, perhaps). It is not the best way because it allows no closure for her or for you.

You deserve, if nothing else, proper closure to this relationship, which requires POSITIVE and compassionate action on your part. You have nothing to lose. You have as much right to contact her as she has to ignore you.

Follow your heart and try to find closure - or renewal. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I wish your the best,

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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