How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6891
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im going out with a girl for 2 and half years and have being

Customer Question

Im going out with a girl for 2 and half years and have being living together for the last year. Before Christmas i noticed she was not feeling her usual self. When i pressed her on it she said she was missing her family a lot (she is from Brazil, living here in ireland for past 4 years) But she did say she wasnt sure she felt the same about me as she had done in past i.e. she wasnt sure if she still loved me. However after Christmas, i suspected there was more to it than just missing the family, and i asked her if she was feeling this way about me because of someone else, and she admitted there was a guy at work who she felt increasingly attracted to, they had obviously spoken together about it and he said the feeling was mutual. When she told me that i initially thought we were finished as there could be no way back for us if she was having these strong feelings for someone else. Following a lot of heart to hearts and soul baring we decided to take some time off from each other to work out exactly what we both feel about the relationship..and thats what we intend to do now.. Im obviously feeling very insecure now (which i had never felt during the relationship) and powerless (which i had never felt before either) and not sure what to do next.. My pride and mind are telling me that if she is taking this long to deicde whether she wants to be with me longterm then that we are probably not going to work out. She assured me that prior to feeling this way about another person, she always imagined us settling down and starting a family together. So she is not sure why is feeling this way about someone else. I (perhaps naiively) believe her. Just not sure of what to do next..can you help please?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

You feel so frantic right now probably due to the fact that you are in limbo. It is very uncomfortable to not know what is going to happen. To add to this you do not really have the control here because she is the one struggling. You know what you want. You have to let her come to her own conclusions as difficult as that is. If you rush her she may do something that isn't the appropriate choice and you could break up further down the line. Or she could decide to move on. Give her space and some time. If she wants to settle down it will happen. You are going to need to invest your time in being patient. You can't do anything until she decides what you want. You can't convince her of what the right choice is. Let her decide.


Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Fair enough and thanks for your reply, and time is what i am giving her at the moment (even though im unsure of how much time exactly to give her). Ive moved into a friends place for a few days. But to be honest im not sure how long i should leave it hanging in limbo. In my mind im thinking, if she doesnt come to a conclusion sooner rather later it doesnt bode well for the future anyway, if we ever did get back together. Or am i right in thinking that. How long do you think i should i give her? I
nitially, the news broke prior to a planned trip to Barcelona on 30th Dec. At the last minute we both decided to go on the trip as the alternative was to be at home alone and glum. In any case, we went on the trip and while it was very tough at times as we talked at length about what had happened, we also slipped easily back into forgetting about it and laughing with each other (because we generally get on so well).
At the end of the trip, we both came to the conclusion, that we should both take time ( week was mentioned) to come to a conclusion about what we wanted. (even though in the back on my mind, i couldnt possibly contemplate what i wanted, without knowing what she categorically wants first)
I know i would be devastated and so very disappointed if we didnt work out but i also know i'd take some convincing that she would know for sure what she wanted if we did get back together. (afterall she will still be working alongside the other guy)

Ive told no one else (other than my friend who ive moved in with) out of loyalty (i suppose to her) if we ever got back together it would avoid any awkwardness for her or myself. The other reason would be pride i suppose. Either way, im getting to the point where i need to get back in contact with people but unsure of whether to tell them about us or not.

Expert:  psychlady replied 3 years ago.

Don't resume this relationship based on it being awkward or because of what others will think. You both have to make your decision based on what is the right choice for you. You should try to resolve this if your job is at stake. I would give it a few more days. Then approach her with the fact that you can't stay in limbo.


It is great that you aren't telling everyone. If she decides it's over then you just tell others that it didn't work out. If they ask give them a brief reason to settle their curiosity. You don't owe them an explanation.


I would call over the weekend probably Sunday and see if she has thought about this.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency