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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Will I hear from Curt in the future? Is he right for me?

Customer Question

Will I hear from Curt in the future? Is he right for me?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. In order to be able to help you I would need to know much more about what is going on. I don't know Curt so maybe you can elaborate about what happened between you and Curt. I don't know you either so I wouldn't know if he's right for you. Tell me more so I can help you.

Customer:

Well I met him about 2 months ago in another city whilst staying with a friend whom also lived with Curt.
We had a nice connection and I hadn't felt that way in a long time, he although did remind me of someone from my past, to which I did sleep with Curt eventually to find that I could let go of the person from my past which is why I think he is special to me. I ended up leaving the first time down because of my other friend Henry who I believe tried to interfear with things with Curt and I out of jealousy.. I left in hysterics as Curt didnt speak to me or claims I spoke too much and overreacted but after two weeks of being back home I got into contact with him and things were fine... I came down a second time to stay with Henry who was not in the same home as Curt anymore because I had very bad depression here and he said he would support me and I would feel better, although he did none of those things, knew how to trigger my anger and think I had to defend myself, so I had an argument with Curt mainly took it all out on Curt and lots of nasty texts were sent from both parties.. Then the next two days we were around eachother with others there too we didnt speak directly, sooner or later I became upset with Henry and I left back home. I haven't heard anything from Curt. The last time I saw him he drove me home because I asked as I had no other way of getting back to the house I was staying at, we both said nothing.

Customer:

Are you there?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi, let me read what you wrote.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX me a lot more and helps me see what was going on between the two of you. You are not going to like what I am going to say --- it does not sound good. You need to give the situation some space. You need to calm down. If this is what happened when the two of you hardly know one another it would make him run away which in fact it sounds like he did. So you need to start with a cleaner plate. So next time you are in his area, cool it. If stuff goes on between you and Henry don't display all your emotions in front of Curt. Take up what you've got to, if need be, with Henry, privately. So then you will keep things calmer between you and Curt and you'll play it by ear if he is willing to give it a shot. It's way too early to know if Curt is for you or not.

Customer:

I know, I think I have ruined it. I havent contacted him since I left and I removed him on Facebook. Both him and Henry. I'm unsure I know it's very early but I felt like I could trust him. I guess they all think I am crazy. I would like if we could start over but I don't think he will contact me ever again. I am planning to move to that same city to pursue my Acting but I will feel so sad if I never heard anything. I know I did wrong displaying my emotions and I would have frightened him off but I think it if it were the other way around I wouldn't have judged him at all..

Customer:

I also find that I ponder over this entire situation daily and I never stop thinking about Curt. I feel so stupid like I had ruined something nice but I feel asthough I was provoked for those emotions to be shown

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Oh, I am sure that you were provoked but cool it --- try to anyway. I know. I know, it's hard but look you are moving there --- wait --- see what happens. Don't do anything more that's destructive --- like removing them as FB friends. Leave things be --- let's see what happens. You can only move forward. You cannot undo the past.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you are offline now. I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would like to add so that we may continue with our chat. If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.

Customer:

Yes I was quite shocked at what I did as I am usually a quite docile person. I don't like to feel anger or be angry with anyone but Henry definetly knew how to push my buttons. Unfortunately for Curt he was there to see it for a second time.
He did say to Henry that he wanted to be friends still after the argument, but when I was angry upset and a mess at home I decided to delete both of them. I have deleted Curt before, after the last time but re added when we were speaking again to whcih I had made contact.
I have not made any contact and this all happened around the 17th of December, deleted soon after I got home on the 19th. I was confused I suppose. Henry still tries to make contact with me but I dont respond I don't want him in my life for actually wanting me to explode with anger, to me that is a nasty thing to do, to provoke people.

Customer:

I will leave it be, but I am carrying a lot of guilt with me in regards XXXXX XXXXX I was being abusive ( I had a lot to drink) But I think that I have frightened him off I suppose but then I think that if it were a good bond it wouldn't matter and he would know I am not normally that way. But I can't do anything about it. I have spoken to a psychic about this as well. I can't seem to just let it go.. They said they saw him in my future for months ahead this year. And contact in mid- end January. But I still ponder and I am not sure what to think

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Yes, I agree but since Henry and Curt are friends don't go out of your way with making a public announcement --- just ignore him. You don't want Henry bad mouthing you to Curt.

Customer:

Yes I know. I am ignoring Henry. I think he should start to feel guilt for what he did... He may begin to start actually speaking well about me eventhough when I was furious in arguments back home I told him I hated them both. That was false.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I agree with you but not if it will backfire. I am interested in protecting you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I'll pause here and await your response to see if there is anything you would like to add so that we may continue with our chat. If you have other questions, don't hesitate to ask. If I have answered your questions, please click on ACCEPT and leave feedback. Bonuses are always appreciated. You can always ask more questions after you have clicked on Accept. Just put Dr. Shirley Schaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.

Customer:

I have re added Curt on Facebook. I hope something positive comes out of it

Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience: PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
Dr. Shirley Schaye and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 2 years ago.
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