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Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Customer Question

I met her in 2008. Fell for her right there on the spot. We hung out as friends a lot. Cuddled at couple times. Never kissed. She left to the Virgin Islands for two years. But before she left I vomited out that I was in love with her, she began to cry and say "Now you tell me" and those were our final words.

... BUT she came back... with a boyfriend. A crappy one. He didn't get her anything for Christmas, SHE MADE HIM A SCRAPBOOK. She went to the craft store and everything. He went to Vegas w/o her after making plans to go together., etc, etc, etc. I got her a gift AND I made her one too.

She has shown me signs:
 -I'd leave her little notes in her pockets and she expressed that she liked it (despite her BF finding them) -She wanted to sing a duet with me.
-Her BF hates me so she "sneaks" to hang out with me. -We've held hands intertwined
-She took his picture off of her phone (after the Vegas thing).
-She told me I look hot on Christmas.
-She told me that she likes the fact that I want children -She wanted to take long trips with me. ETC ETC ETC...

Apparently, on new years after feelings surely swollen by libations and other influences, they made up.

 NOW THE GOOD PART: Tonight I expressed that she deserves better, in so many words, and as I started to tell her my feelings and she says:"DON'T. I tell her that I have so much to say and she says : Don't!

HUH? Someone, preferably a lady, PLEASE HELP. What does it mean? What should I do. My feelings for her are the STRONGEST I've ever had. Took 30+ years to feel this way....HELP !

 Additional Details
 OH and I told her that I would NEVER go to Vegas without her. She replied: I know you wouldn't.

VERY IMPORTANT: For a few weeks now i was planning to take her back to that spot where I confessed and told her that I wanted to see what would happen if I pressed the PLAY button.
So I had this whole thing set-up, and I'm running around trying to get **** coordinated but she has to of course balance time between me and her BF. STUPID ME gets all in a tizzy because she had to re-coordinate plans. Not realizing this I kinda blew up BUT i had flowers already b/c I knew I was too have a hissy fit. Arrrgggghhh!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It sounds like this relationship is very intense and there is this sexual heat. Keep in mind that relationships can have gret potential and still not happen. Sometimes relationships fail simply because of timing. One is with someone else and the other isn't. She has to be open to a relationship with you. She obviously has feelings for you but she has to have the perspective that she is open to a good guy. She brought this guy back knowing that you would be in contact. It may not be that she doesn't love you but more so that she hooks up with guys that aren't good for her. This is a huge problem because she will always make herself available to these guys that treat her horrible. She has to want a healthy relationship.


She knows you like her so can stay close for now and hope that she wants someone her treats her well. You don't have to tell her ; she already knows. She has to want to be treated well. It's up to you whether you want to wait.


Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensated

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Should I apologize for what I did. She seemed frustrated w/ me. Give it time or should I let her contact me? I feel the best thing is to give her space but how? Act like all is normal? Should I remain out of contact? ARRRGG, I feel like a teenager!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
and yes I would wait . . . ive waited 3 years more or less
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

I would try to contact her once and let her know you are sorry and that you won't contact her until she contacts you first. Give her space after this so that she has time to embrace your apology. Don't worry for now. You have waited a long time. If it's meant to be she will let you know that you are forgiven.


Be back later

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
How long should I wait since the incident to contact her
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
How long should I wait since the incident to contact her
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.
I would wait a few days 2-3. This will give her a chance to gain a perspective on what happens but not lose that connection. It seems a good length of time

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