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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years and living together

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I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years and living together for 3. We are not married and have no children. I'm 25 and he's 27.

For the past 5 months I've been seeing someone else and we've both developed feelings for one another.

I'm so confused now on how to move forward... Do I stay with my bf or leave for what could be?

My current relationship seems normal however there has been some domestic violence (pushing/shoving, throwing things at... Towards me although I have pushed him before as well). The last incident was the worst but I am so comfortable in my life with my job and house etc it's like should I leave or no? Will I be happier... Not sure. Any advice is appreciated.

You have to make this choice but there are some serious red flags with your current relationship that you should be worried about - regardless of whether you leave or not. You should never be so comfortable with a relationship or situation that you tolerate domestic violence. Maybe you met this new guy as a way to move on. You should never be tolerating any of these situations with throwing and pushing. If you both are encouraging this behavior then the relationship is toxic. It is not a healthy situation and you should consider ending it just for that reason. Domestic violence doesn't get better it only gets worse. You have to stop this.


As far as the new guy you have to decide which is more positive and that choice seems obvious. If your relationship now was good then you probably wouldn't consider a new relationship. The fact that you are putting up with this probably allows your emotions to consider a new relationship. You need that healthy interaction. I would consider what is best for me in the long run. Sometimes the right choice involves huge change. Being comfortable doesn't mean you are happy.


In the end you have to make your choice on what makes you happy. I can't imagine choosing a relationship with domestic violence but everyone is free to do what they want. You could consider speaking to someone about your situation. Something is allowing you to tolerate this violence. Maybe then your choice will be clearer.


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