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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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ive known this guy for over 15 years (i.e. since we were 12

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i've known this guy for over 15 years (i.e. since we were 12 years old). We're close friends, we're incredibly comfortable with each other, and we have a great time together. I've never been physically attracted to him before, but we hooked up about 2 months ago under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. I wrote it off as a one-night mistake but he kept texting and calling me, and I kept meeting with him just because I love hanging out with him as a friend, not intending to go any further. However, several times I imbibed too much alcohol and we slept together several more times. So finally he called me up and I said "lets go to a movie," thinking that would be a "safe" activity. And wouldn't you know, I pretty much fell for him at that movie, not for any sexual reason but just because he's such a great guy and I thought to myself "maybe this could be the greatest relationship of all because its such an old close friend." So we've been texting each other like crazy ever since, we go out together with friends, we go out together alone, we have sex, we cuddle, we do all sorts of "couple stuff". But here's the catch: he has a long-distance girlfriend (she lives on the west coast, we live on the east coast) and he says that although he thinks I'm awesome and loves hanging out with me and wants to continue our relationship, he still loves his girlfriend and intends to be with her long-term. I know the smart answer is that I should end this now because I'm going to get hurt. I already feel like such a worthless piece of sh*t. But would it really be so bad if I just continued hooking up with him, even tho I know he's going to end up with his girlfriend? Isn't it possible that I'm just infatuated with him right now and that I could keep hooking up with him until my infatuation fades? Please help me! I feel like such a worthless slutty reject right now, I don't know what to do.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. It seems as though you are both having a good time and you are right in that you should probably end it. Mostly out of respect to his girlfriend and also so you can move on and find a relationship, if that is what you want. If you are fully aware that he is going to hurt you eventually, but you still want to be with him, then that is your choice. Just remember the consequences on your conscience. You guys are good friends and have known each other a long time, but there is a part of him who is using you. Whether it is on purpose or not, he is cheating on his girlfriend with you and he is getting what he wants out of your relationship. Are you getting what you want? Is this what makes you happy? I always tell people to do what makes them happy. Just remember that this will not last. If it is what you want, then go for it, but if you know that this isn't what you should be doing, then you should stop. I know that isn't the firm answer that you are looking for and I can't make your decision for you, I can just tell you to stop and think about all of the ramifications of what is happening now and what will happen in the future. Are you prepared for it? Your infatuation with him may not fade, it may get worse as you gain more and more feelings for him. Do what you feel is the right thing to do.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I know what the right thing to do is. I guess I'll end it. But what if he doesn't want to hang out with me anymore if he's not getting any? How can I salvage this friendship? Or should I even bother? Should I just cut him off as a friend too?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
If he cuts you off completely because he isn't getting any, is he really a friend?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yah you're right. Just one more thing: we had planned to go out tomorrow night and spend the night and the following day together because neither one of us has to work that day. Do you think it would be OK if I just spent that one last night and day with him before I end it?
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
That is totally up to you. It could be a good opportunity for you to explain what you are doing, Tell him that you want to remain friends, but you can't continue to do this to his girlfriend. That way, you can be honorable about it and it gives him less of an argument because how can he justify cheating and not sound like a total jerk? He may not care either way, but at least you can give that as a respectable reason.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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