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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi my name is XXXXX XXXXX am 20 years old and this is my question. In january of 2010 i started my first job in mcdonalds a little while after that i met a friend called caleb everything was fine for months we had good laughs all the time then one day he said his girlfriend is starting work here soon i thought ok sure so anyway his girlfriend started and i actually didnt say anything to her im not the most social person so its difficult for me to talk to people but eventually i met her said hello all is well then weeks after she started to flirt with me and i was going along with it she would try and talk to me as much as possible while her boyfriend wasent around at times he did notice what she was doing but he never said anything not even to me i guess its because he knew it wasent my fault this went on for months then one day out of nowhere i got a text on my phone it said somthing like this.. um hi is this oliver this is charlotte from work sorry if this is the wrong number so anyway i text back saying yes this is him how did you get my number she replied but didnt answer my question i already knew she had looked through calebs phone her boyfriends phone to get it so time went on and when they were at home she would only msg me or call me when he wasnt around i went up to there house a few times she lives with caleb and his parents then one day in work he eventually knew what was happening so he flipped and got mad at her they had arguments all the time after this. i invited them round to my house one night just for a few drinks bad choice he got drunk had an arguement with her i said nothing is going on between us but he was drunk so it didnt matter around 4am me and charlotte got him a taxi she didnt want to go home after what had just happened so while waitin for the taxi he pretty much broke up with her right there on the spot saying i dont want to see you ever again i thought oh no all my fault when the taxi came he went outside to get in and go home she then kissed me out of nowhere i guess just to piss him off so she slept in bed with me nothing bad happened we kissed and hugged next morning he called to ask where se was he came to my house and picked her up took her home i lay on my bed think now what this situation is messed up its basically a love triangle next day in work was fine he didnt remember anything she did stay at her friends house who is a girl a few times she would call me and ask me to meet up with her which i did 2 times but on the second time her boyfrind drove down and saw us both i thought oh shit so he called her then me i answered put her on he could of said something to me but didnt so after that he was no longer my friend i though she wouldnt be either but as of today she still is so in may of 2011 i left just because of what was happening so from may untill december 2011 i heard nothing from either of them i checked facbok and saw they had split up i though ok this means she will date me but no on new ears eve i invited her up again smae thing happened she slept and we kissed and hugged i asked her what was going on with us she said she said what do you think of friends with benefits i cant remember what i said i said kiss me no hard feelings she did we never had sex she did touch my penis and say no strings attached i knew what that meant she said she still wanted to be with caleb. and now i am here writing this so what should i do i understand she has only been broke up for 2 weeks and i know it will take her a while to get over it but i want to be her but i dont know how she feels she kept saying i dont want to hurt you but she is doing im trying to be with her and shes telling me we would go out to a club and see if i meet someone i dont want to i get on easily with her for that entire 6 months we didnt talk i cried all the time now i have never had a girlfriend so i will admit i am a virgin everyone is saying its only because this is the first girl youve spoke to you feel like this i somewhat agree bu i need an answer from her either be with me or dont i cant do this strings attached Please help me i cant have her messing me around like she did last time what can i do to be with here and ill do it should i just be her friend and thats it tell her this cant happen any more its hurting me please help thank you charlotte (20) caleb (22) me (20)
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you are in a situation where you are probably going to be hurt. Whenever someone asks you for friends with benefits they are asking for sex with no commitment. One person always gets hurt. You under different circumstances may find that this would be a good match. However the situation is too volatile for that to happen. Sometimes a relationship fails just because of timing. One person is ready and the other person isn't. Not only is the timing wrong but she is willing to totally disregard the feelings of her partners to serve her own needs. She is a cheater. You can justify it many ways but she is still a cheater. She will treat you the same way if you want a relationship. She doesn't have any boundaries. You need to leave her alone and find a girlfriend that respects you. You will then not start a relationship with trust issues. You have to have healthy components of a relationship and this doesn't have those. Let her move on and you find someone who is nice and everything you want.

 

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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
so theres nothing i can do or say to get a relationship going i hould just tell her no
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
I would let her resolve her issues and see what happens. This is just too chaotic right now. Let her resolve issues with boyfriend
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
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