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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I met this guy when I was on my contiki tour in October, and

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I met this guy when I was on my contiki tour in October, and we hit off straight away. He is still living over in London until the end of next year, and I am moving over there in June. We have spoken every single day since I’ve been back home in Australia. We have both said how much we like one another and he can’t wait for me to move over there. We talk on the phone frequently as well. Sometimes he is a little hot and cold with me and I’m not sure why – but if I act that way with him (like take a while to reply to his texts or act a little colder back) he hates it. He even said it devastates him. I’m really confused on what to say and do with him now. I like him a lot and I know that we have something special – it scares me a little, as I’ve been hurt in the past. But for some reason, ever since we met each other we can’t think about other people the same way as we do for one another. Please help, I need some advice. Thanks
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It sounds like this relationship has promise but lacks some communication. You have to be able to communicate well as a couple to have a successful relationship. My favorite resource on this subject is the Mars and Venus series. You can learn on your own how to communicate and then teach him. These skills will benefit both of you. The other necessity if you are to live together is to be honest about what you are feeling. This will eliminate this guess work when you think something has changed or what you call "cold". Get to a place where you can bring this to his attention immediately. Learn how to not be angry because you are discussing a tone or a feeling. The more you can just immediately ask each other about fears that you have the more you learn to resolve things before they become a real problem.


You have the physical attraction. Now it is time to develop an emotional connection. Do this by schooling each other on ways to communicate. You can use the methods in Mars and Venus to try out on him and see if this helps improve your conversations. Then decide if you are ready for a move.



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