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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
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What should I do or react to this situation, I found out that

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What should I do or react to this situation, I found out that my girlfriend is beginning to like girls to and we have been together for almost 5 yrs now.... what do i do because it feels like something is taking her away from me like it used to be just me in her heart but now im not the only one and im soo confused i really need help
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
Sorry you are in distress. With some additional information I may be able to help.
How old are you? How old is your girlfriend? When did she first tell you about this? Do you live together or separate? Is this your first serious relationship? Is it her first serious relationship? Anything else you think I should know?

Thanks,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
i am 21 and she just turned 22 i just found out a couple of days ago and she says that she is now just starting to see this side of her that she never saw before... what she had told me is that a girl was talking to her and told her that she was cute and later said that she liked my girlfriend and i guess they started talking and now my girl says she likes her too.... its a long story but my girlfirend is telling me that they are just freinds and that they already said they are just going to be freinds now... but if they are friends and they already know that they like each other wouldent feelings take over whenever they go out together as freinds becuase words that say we are just friends are not as strong as feelings right?? also she told me she still loves me... and from the start i gave her my heart and she gave me hers but now it feels like im not the only one who she is giving it too anymore..everything is confusing right now
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
You are going through what every young relationship should go through. She needs to have space to explore other relationships. Right now it is just friends with the other person. It may stay that way but you are right in thinking it may not. Let her have her friendship but tell her that you need to know if at some point she thinks it needs to be more than that. If she tells you she needs to explore her feelings and options by being more than friends with the other person then let her go. Of course even thinking about this breaks your heart but you must be good to yourself and to her in spite of the pain. When a relationship is lost it may be permanent but it also may be temporary. Don't sell your self and your relationship short by trying too hard to hold on to some one who may need to go away. For now,be patient and see what your girlfriends needs turn out to be. She may loose interest in the other person and she may not.

I wish I could tell you what was going to happen so you could be prepared, but relationships don't work like that. A relationship is a work in progress. Don't throw it away and don't hold it too tight.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Want help with your most important relationships? Licensed Marriage/Family Counselor.
Mark Manley and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So basically only time can tell, so the only thing I can do about it is wait and give her, her space and time? I dont think there is anything else that could be done.. i know and I have already told her that if she is happy like that then im not going to stop her from leaving because if she is happy than that is really all that matters because there is no point of staying if she is not happy and im not going to try to force her to stay with me if she isnt happy... but it really breaks my heart though... but i guess, sometimes when you love someone you got to learn to let them go....... and in this situation it could go either way, she might stay or she might leave depending on her choice and her feelings. but if she stays than idk if her feelings are going to come back in the future or not so do I just follow my feelings?? because idk if i should let her go now or stay either... even though i know its not just me that is in pain right now becuase i know that she is also confused and in alot of pain also because she still loves me and i can tell since we haave lots of memoreis in over 4 yrs and this is her first time and first experience of knowing this side of her but she never did anything with this person but talk and went out to eat and this is all she told me... i have so much to ask but cant put my thoughts into words right now but i guess only time can tell.............
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
You are right on track. Just don't sabotage your relationship with her to hurry and end your anxiety over what is or isn't going to happen. Stay in the moment and let things take the course they are going to take. No need to change anything right now. You are wise and loving to see that you can't keep her but also don't throw her away. Keep going you are on course even though it is painful.

Sincerely,
Mark Manley
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for understanding me and everything else but I just have one more question, would it be considered cheating if they both like each other and went out a couple of times and they talk or text everyday even though its not an opposite sex though she told me they have never kissed or went pass the line of being more than a friend?? But again, they like each other but its not the opposite sex that she goes out with..
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
If the two of you are open an honest with each other then it is not cheating. Only you know where to draw the line for your relationship. You will be very uncomfortable if she does this but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be. Just don't compromise too much or too long because then it gets crazy.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you this helps me to understand better
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 2 years ago.
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