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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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HelloI proposed to my girll friend last Christmas 2011 -

Customer Question

Hello I proposed to my girll friend last Christmas 2011 - She 40 and me 42 (last minute thought before Xmas and thought well its what she wants and she great girl). However, since then I have had a nagging feeling in my stomach its not right for me.


Now 2012 and wedding been booked for April. Have gone along with Wedding prep but never whole heartly. Sept this 2011 I admitted my feeling of being unsure - this wobbled our lives to date.


Maybe I have been negative / pressured - unsure. Families involved in wedding prep - though my own now saying I should hold as I not give out right reasons.


Just been away skiing for Xmas as our jobs pressured and full on, hoped this give us time. On paper she caring, loving, similar interests - its good relatinship - good house, we have dog.


Negative - none but I just don't go wow - surely I should be pleased, excited and over the moon - I have not (feel sad for both of us!). Now having stuck head in sand since Sept face time scale (today ?) - she said if good and can do marriage whole heartly - go - if not stop and break.


I have feeling I may never get chance to find such good girl again but also have killed build up to wedding and never feel when look at her she thats going to be my wife.


How break my thoughts down - acknowledge relationships need work and I holding back.


On plus side we get on similar interests - sex life is ok - but usually started by her, she loving caring, fun, bright ..... I must be mad. 


Finally, I feel I should go to alter but feel nervous - she is so good for me and we great friends, orgainsed, fun at times and great girl.  Why am i uncomfortable?

Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 4 years ago.
I feel that what you are feelings is very normal. Getting married is a big commitment. It is very common to be nervous or feel you are not doing the right thing. Once this step is taken it furthers the relationship. If you broke off the wedding after going this far, I feel there is no step in the relationship. What happens is the wedding gets called off she would be devistated that everyone was involve. She would then question your love for her. She would look at the relationship and not see that next step to the future. If you didn't get married what would be the next step in the relationship. It puts the relationship at a stand still. You also have to think about if she didn't accept you didn't want to get married and left. Can you picture your life without her being in your life? You describe her in a very positive way. I feel you are just worried and are questionins things. I don't feel your love for her is being questioned, it the commitment being question. You are not sure if you want to spend the rest of your life with her. But you also have to think aboit what it would be like to not have her in your life. The best excercise to do is wake up tomorrow mourning and picture your life without her. It is very normal the emotions you are going through. I am here to help if you have any more questions.

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