How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7328
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Rev.Dr. August Abbott is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What Am I Doing Wrong?

Resolved Question:

My wife and I have been separated for three years. I left her because I wasn't mature or strong enough to deal with her when she was in her bad moods. I had also just come home from my third tour in Iraq and had a lot wrong inside me. She was also pregnant. I really screwed up. But since my daughter has been born I have become a completely different person, most of the time. I told her I was still in love with her and things have been very difficult between us since. Sometimes she seems like she wants to try and sometimes like it will never happen. She tells me she doesn't trust that I love her for who she is. The other night a guy friend was over, and I didn't like the way they were interacting. He uses her for sympathy and flirts. I got very mad and ended up fighting with both of them. There is also another guy friend who she thinks is wonderful but says she doesnt want to be with him. She has had relationships with both guys in the past. I have no idea how to fix things and stay calm with so much standing in my way. I cannot get over her and want us to be a family. How can get her back and prove that I am better than the other two losers?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 2 years ago.
-- My concern isn't whether you're doing the right things, but why? From your description this woman isn't even trying. Everything except the weather is your fault somehow. She has other men in her life and you aren't only supposed to be ok with that, but you must walk this invisible line that she's drawing as you go along, and treat them in some special way that she makes up after the fact.

Why do you value yourself so little that any of this treatment is ok with you?

Listen, please - put the relationship (such as it is) on hold right now and all by yourself, for yourself, get to a counselor who can help you figure out why none of this is actually about you, what you want and expect from her.

You should not be emotionally abused like this. You deserve to be respected, have your opinions valued and your feelings considered.

You are not the devil in these details. You are not the cause of her unhappiness or her manipulation. She has her own demons and she needs to be responsible for her own actions. Having three men at her beck 'n call is rewarding her behaviors, however, bad they are.

Make it one less. Remove yourself from her line up and build yourself up with the help of a professional in your area (just try 4 visits and you should understand).

Then YOU make the decision about whether or not you'll allow her to make things up to you. She can then join you in counseling or seek it on her own and the two of you use the insight and tools you're taught to use to make compromises and build a life together, rather than one person holding out hoops and the other trying to jump through them.

Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7328
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Rev.Dr. August Abbott and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency