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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Theres this girl that I like. We get along really well and

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There's this girl that I like. We get along really well and have gone out together as friends more than a few times. I've told her that I like her and she's told me that she has feelings for me, but isn't ready for anything "yet," the reason being that she was in a bad relationship about 8 months ago and still has feelings for her ex. Now whenever we go out I really want to kiss her or at least hold her hand, but I want to respect her boundaries since she isn't ready - but it takes everything in me to hold back. Should I make a move, or just be her friend for the time being? I'm afraid that she wants me to make a move and will move on if I don't act soon.

The best way to know what to do is to ask. You never want to make a move based on a guess. If she said she isn't ready that is your answer. However I would let her know that you are interested in her and will wait until she is ready. She should very impressed with your ability to take into account her wishes. Men don't always do that. She will be very touched by the fact that you respect what she wants. I would have this conversation first. The fact that you have told her how you feel will ease your anxiety about missing out on a good thing.


If she says she isn't ready then ask her what she does want. Ask her if you can have a date without a relationship. A friend behavior versus a dater's behavior is very different. That will give you an idea of what she wants. Then you are allowing her to dictate the next few months but also letting her know that you want a romantic interest. There is a big difference between friend and dating each other so you allow her to make the boundaries. She will respect you for this.


I think if she said she isn't ready yet then she likes you but is just going through something. If she wanted to be your friend that is what she would have said. The word yet suggests that she has you in mind when whatever she is feeling is resolved. Anything this valuable is worth waiting for so check in with her regularly and what it is she wants. It reminds her as well that you are there waiting.



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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you. That is very helpful - but I'm wondering if you could clarify a few more things: I've told her that I understand how she feels and what she is dealing with and that we can "keep doing what we're doing and see where it goes." She was very pleased about this. This was about a month and a half ago. I have no problem waiting, I just have no idea if and when she will be ready. Will she let me know, or is she waiting for my move after a little while?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.

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