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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Is it really possible for a my 33 yr old significant other

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Is it really possible for a my 33 yr old significant other to be having a platonic relationship with a 24 yr old male? We have been seeing each other for 3 yrs, I am divorced and she has established and maintained a "friendship" without this person when I am in custody of my kids and not with her. She has kept this relationship from me but when I asked her about it she said she lied to me about it because she did not want me to be upset by it. We have had a very communicative (and loving relationship and I want to believe her but I am having a tough time not thinking it was more than platonic. HELP!
Hello. It is very possible for her to have a perfectly innocent and platonic relationship with a man. A lot of women do. The fact that she lied about t is somewhat concerning, but if you pressured her a bit, this was probably a natural reaction. Not saying that it was right of her to do, it wasn't. The fact that you are both communicating about it is wonderful. Generally, someone who is cheating will shut down completely and argue when confronted, but she is willing to discuss these things with you, which is a good sign. I think that you need to trust her and not get too overly jealous about it, it could push her to lie about things that are innocent. You need to be secure in your relationship with her and not let this bother you as much as it does. I know that is easier said than done, but keep the communication open. You have every right for a healthy level of concern, so you don't have to completely blow it off like it is nothing at all, but try to relax and trust her unless she gives you a reason not to.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thanks Dr Paige,
I appreciate your advice..any more words on how to discuss it with her without seeming insecure or jealous?-Pete
Hi Pete, I would just discuss it with honesty and no anger. It sounds as though you both can have these discussions without it causing a big fight, which is great. When you are feeling insecure about it, just say something like, "I appreciate your honesty with me about your friendship and I do trust you, but it does bother me a bit that you are spending time with this guy while I am with my kids. I don't want to tell you not to hang out with him, but consider if the situation was the other way around and I was spending time with a single female when you weren't around." This way, you can tell her your feelings without attacking or making accusations.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
You know...I did exactly that but maybe it is my own insecurity but I have a tough time believing that going for a walk at 1000 pm along a romantic boardwalk or staying out late together is platonic...she says it is but it is just gnawing at me that she may be lying to me...honesty is my biggest issue because I grew up in a family of infidelity. If she lied to me about going out with the guy how do I know she is not lying about it not being anything more than just friends. I have a tough time thinking a 24 yr old has much more on his brain than sex.
Ok, well the 10pm walk wasn't specified in your first email, it sounded a bit more innocent than that. I would say that particular incident is not acceptable. I was under the impression that it was casual hanging out, but staying out late together is not good. I'm not saying that she is lying, she may not be. Women can have male friends, but it is more difficult for men to have women friends without wanting more. In this case, I would say something to her that you trust her and don't want to tell her who not to hang out with, but in a normal, healthy relationship between two people, a woman does not spend late nights and romantic walks with a young, single man. Again, you can use the scenario of you spending time with a young, single female and staying out late at night and how that would make her feel. With your past, it is understandable how you would feel the way that you do.Based on this new information that you gave me, I would say now that you may want to draw a line for her. She should understand where you are coming from. Tell her it is an act of respect for you, not a jealous or insecure reaction.

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