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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Is it really possible for a my 33 yr old significant other

Resolved Question:

Is it really possible for a my 33 yr old significant other to be having a platonic relationship with a 24 yr old male? We have been seeing each other for 3 yrs, I am divorced and she has established and maintained a "friendship" without this person when I am in custody of my kids and not with her. She has kept this relationship from me but when I asked her about it she said she lied to me about it because she did not want me to be upset by it. We have had a very communicative (and loving relationship and I want to believe her but I am having a tough time not thinking it was more than platonic. HELP!
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. It is very possible for her to have a perfectly innocent and platonic relationship with a man. A lot of women do. The fact that she lied about t is somewhat concerning, but if you pressured her a bit, this was probably a natural reaction. Not saying that it was right of her to do, it wasn't. The fact that you are both communicating about it is wonderful. Generally, someone who is cheating will shut down completely and argue when confronted, but she is willing to discuss these things with you, which is a good sign. I think that you need to trust her and not get too overly jealous about it, it could push her to lie about things that are innocent. You need to be secure in your relationship with her and not let this bother you as much as it does. I know that is easier said than done, but keep the communication open. You have every right for a healthy level of concern, so you don't have to completely blow it off like it is nothing at all, but try to relax and trust her unless she gives you a reason not to.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1410
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks Dr Paige,
I appreciate your advice..any more words on how to discuss it with her without seeming insecure or jealous?-Pete
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hi Pete, I would just discuss it with honesty and no anger. It sounds as though you both can have these discussions without it causing a big fight, which is great. When you are feeling insecure about it, just say something like, "I appreciate your honesty with me about your friendship and I do trust you, but it does bother me a bit that you are spending time with this guy while I am with my kids. I don't want to tell you not to hang out with him, but consider if the situation was the other way around and I was spending time with a single female when you weren't around." This way, you can tell her your feelings without attacking or making accusations.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
You know...I did exactly that but maybe it is my own insecurity but I have a tough time believing that going for a walk at 1000 pm along a romantic boardwalk or staying out late together is platonic...she says it is but it is just gnawing at me that she may be lying to me...honesty is my biggest issue because I grew up in a family of infidelity. If she lied to me about going out with the guy how do I know she is not lying about it not being anything more than just friends. I have a tough time thinking a 24 yr old has much more on his brain than sex.
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
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