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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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My husband ofn 26 years is not interested in me, and goes to

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My husband ofn 26 years is not interested in me, and goes to my wallet to pay for everyting (I get paid a lot more than him as I have been in my job for over 21 years). He has not been good with money and I have bailed him out financially after he lost his wife with cancer).I do all the gardens, paper hanging, painting even fence building and jib stoppong and grocery shopping and cook all the meals while he watches or hold the ladder. He has changed since he has had diabetes (6 weeks prior to our wedding diagnosed ) and has incredible mood swings and sleeps a lot. I am 61 years and he is 71. When I talk to him he gets angry and abusive and calls me a stupid F-- ing bitch, so I leave it. We dont go anywhere, he has no interests and he has never cooked me a meal or taken me out for dinner for over 3 years. We havent had sex for over 8 years and I am lonely for closeness and companionship. I dont know what to do as if I am always the one to sak if he has had his insulin or checked is lood sugars (which he often hasnit) I am also in the cart. Your advise on what I should do would be appreciated.

Leone
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 5 years ago.

Russ0114 :

Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.

Russ0114 :

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this as I'm sure it must be difficult.

Russ0114 :

It sounds like your husband is not happy with himself or his life and unfortunately takes that out on you.

Russ0114 :

In addition to his health issues, you being the provider probably doesn't do much for his ego and that just adds to the anger and frustration.

Russ0114 :

Now, this does not excuse his behavior as the two of you have been married for 26 years and there should be a great deal of communication and ability to problem solve between you.

Russ0114 :

I think that you should ask your husband if he would seek maritial counseling so that the two of you can work on your relationship. If you haven't done so already, share with him that you feel very lonely and would love nothing more to feel like you have companionship and intimacy.

Russ0114 :

If he is not agreeable to seeking counseling with you, then you have to determine how you see the rest of your life with him. Once you're able to visualize that, you then have to decide if you can go on living that way. You deserve to be happy and to be fullfilled in your relationship and it doesn't sound like you're currently receiving that.

Russ0114 :

You also have to set some boundaries and expectations. Your husband will continue to allow you to do all of the things that you're doing because you're not really putting up much opposition in doing so.

Russ0114 :

If there are some things that you can stop doing and request that he do them, then you should. It should not be up to you solely to take on all of the responsibilites especially having to remind him to care for his own medical needs. A line has to be drawn somewhere. There are two of you in this relationship and one person should not be working harder to maintain it than the other.

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