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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  PHD LPC
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What are the statistics for divorce when kids marry at ages

Resolved Question:

What are the statistics for divorce when kids marry at ages 18 female and early 20's male ? Our son is 23, in the Army, and wants to marry a girl just 18. She is just graduated from high school, we want him to wait. She is a very young 18, never held any job, never lived on her own, of course, knows nothing at this point in her young life. Him either for that matter. He left home to go into the Army directly. We have nothing against this girl, nor her family except that they should be directing her attention to a career, college and not getting married at 18, just that she is too young for such a life long comittment .
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

Hi, seems like you have gone offline. You are correct in your assumption that they are too young to get married and the rate of divorce for this age group is high. Add financial problems and the chances increase. Here is a web site on divorce stats.

Dr. Keane :

http://www.divorcerate.org/

Dr. Keane :

I hope this helps you however, if they are determined to marry you may want to sit down with your son and tell him that with marriage comes many responsibilities, that they will have to handle, that means no more paying off his debt etc. Sounds hard but it is reality and they both need a jolt of it right now. It may aslo be a good idea to have them speak to a counselor who works with couples and give them some guidance.

Dr. Keane :

Please accept and feel free to leave any comments

Customer:

Thank you for the referral, I am going to share that with our son. Curious timing here, I got a text message from him at 4 a m today that they broke up , that he learned she has been cheating on him while he was in Germany for at least the pat 6 months. He may have just gotten out of this by the skin of his teeth but obviously, he needs to be more realistic and mature about his view of getting married.

Customer:

Part of why we did object was that we didn't hear or feel any real passion from either of them way before this. No excitement about them being together . I believe that those compelling emotions at the beginning of a marriage are the cement for later lasting years. Our son is handsome, kind, genuine, honest, and lonely. We feel that he is vulnerable to poor choices because of this. He is staying at her family home right now with all her family there for holidays and we want him to just go to the airport and leave. I fear that he may think that this is a mendable situation, and I know he is terribly hurt.

Customer:

I don't want to push him at this moment but yes, I do too. I have been thinking of calling the brother in law, our son's friend who introduced him to this girl in the first place and ask him to drive our son to the airport, now. I haven't picked up the phone for obvious reasons, I 'd like our son to come to this decision on his own, more or less, not hang around out there, California, with all of her family - it has to be a horrible situation. They had to have known but they let him fly there anyway for his leave, Army, over the holidays, and spend a lot of money also before she finally told him the truth. There is a remote possibility that the rest of them did not know, but if I suspected her cheating from what my son said to us while he was just in Germany, and I am here in MIami, Florida, it is impossible that none of them did not also know.

Customer:

I know I need to be cool, but if I were still flying as well as my airline, I'd already be on an airplane to LAX to get him and bring him back home. He deserves so much better than this. Still, better now than later, better a cheaing g.f. than a cheating wife or a cheating mother of his children.

Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.
I would keep my fingers crossed that they stay "broken up", the maturity level just isn't there. I know you would like to have him fly home but are smart enough to know he has to come to that decision on his own. Validate his feelings and let him know how you feel about his being away and that leaving Calif early might be best and then say no more. Let him mull that over and decide on his own. If I can be of anymore help please ask. Good luck, I know it's hard to sit back and watch.
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He has called often, sent text messages also, and initially he wanted to just get out of there and come home. Then he started to think if the cost of flying lax to mia then back to sat all for a few days, ( he has to go back to San Antonio on Jan 6 for his military flight back to Germany ) so he has decided to just stay there for those few days after all. His good friend is married to the sister of the girl he was engaged to, in fact he was best man for them, and he considers the entire family his home away from home. Even the grand parents are there and they like him very much, the grandmother sends him packages every couple weeks , for the year he was in Iraq, and then the year he has been in Germany also.

I'd want him to marry my daughter too, or my grand daughter. I can understand why this family likes him so much, he is a wonderful young man, plus good looking. He sounds ok, better , about this situation, like he is thinking straight, and he did tell me that he also had suspicions himself, that he just hoped he was wrong, that I was wrong, because he wanted those dark feelings to be wrong. He talked about that with me also. He wants to come home but is now thinking about all the money he has already spent, way to much, and about his debts. It doesn't sound like he is heart sick about this, and he did have suspicions himself. That I do know.

I am more concerned about his flying back to make his flight to Germany from here and also, he is right about so much extra cost of not using his ticket from California back to San Antonio, having to also buy a new ticket to Miami then back to San Antonio - I can't say he is wrong there. We would have to pay for the tickets up front but he also pays some of the costs here at home. Right now his car had just cost another $500 at least in parts and 3 days of his dad working full time on it.

I am also thinking perhaps it is better for him to tie any loose ends up there.

He already turned off the phone he had been paying for this past year. Good for him on that one. I am telling him to view the girl as a child with a child's mentality, since she was just a senior in high school this past year, and that he was unrealistic that she was more grown up. Not to be angry, just as sad as he wants to be, and hurt , but not angry. I also said that I hope he forgives her but keeps the memory of the betrayal clearly sharp in his mind.

Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.
Hi, you said all the right things, kudos to you! He sounds like a wonderful young man and he deserves to be with someone more mature and to enjoy life more before he settles down. Good luck!!!
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
Dr. Keane and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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