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MrsRuss0114
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
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I am in a relationship with a man that keeps hiding recorders

Resolved Question:

I am in a relationship with a man that keeps hiding recorders to spy on me and was found to check my emails and phone calls. I do have to say that I did end up cheating on him once but the behavior was already happening before that. He does not want me to see anyone or go anywhere without him. When I did, I found the recorder but had found one in my vehicle before and once under my bed. Not sure what to do. Will he ever change or is it best to just sever this relationship
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 2 years ago.

Russ0114 : Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.
Customer:

hello

Russ0114 : It sounds to me like he has not forgiven you and based on what you shared, it sounds like he has had trust issues from the beginning if he started recording you prior to him finding out about the infidelity.
Russ0114 : Hi there.
Customer:

yes he started the bizarre behavior before anything happened

Customer:

but when it did - it really pushed him over the edge

Russ0114 : It probably highlighted all of his insecurities
Customer:

He gets so verbally abusive though that he has pushed me to breaking points many times so I'm not sure if I can continue this or if there is any way to get him to stop acting this way

Russ0114 : Sadly, I don't think he'll change and things may actually get more intense.
Customer:

I'm not allowed to visit anyone or talk to anyone without him being there or being in the room

Customer:

I used to be very active in classes and visiting friends and haven't been able to talk to friends or do anything since being with him

Russ0114 : And that's no way to live. If he gets anymore jealous or insecure, he may take things further and become violent with you if he gets enraged or feels like he can't control you which is what he's doing.
Customer:

should I confront him with the recorder I found or just ask him to leave - he lives with me and lives basically off me as he makes only about 1/2 of what I do

Russ0114 : I don't think confronting him will make things better and may actually make things worse.
Russ0114 : Prior to asking him to leave, I would strongly suggest trying to talk to your friends and family to develop a safety plan in case he does try to become violent with you.
Customer:

ok - I will do that - they are very aware of the situation and have urged me to end the relationship but I thought things would change

Customer:

I know the cheating did not help but I had a male friend for over 14 years and ended up trying to compensate I think - I have never did anything like this before

Russ0114 : Unfortunately I don't see him getting better especially if these behaviors started well before anything ever happened. It sounds like he's gotten progressively worse and you don't want him to take things further because of his jealousy.
Customer:

yes true

Customer:

thank you

Russ0114 : You're very welcome and I wish you the best.
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 214
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
MrsRuss0114 and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
well I did end up confronting him on the recorder due to the fact he started getting irrational again and calling me a F __kin liar and a cheater. He throws my exhuband in my face and the time I cheated. In 3 days - he has been verbally abusive 2 of them. I ended up in the ER with shortness of breath and chest pain where they put me on Xanax to help deal with the situation. He came in yesterday all nice but turned around and asked to borrow money. How do I end this without causing more problems - he lives with me and I don't think I can do it by myself with him.
Expert:  MrsRuss0114 replied 2 years ago.
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