How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask MrsRuss0114 Your Own Question

MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience:  B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
MrsRuss0114 is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am in a relationship with a man that keeps hiding recorders

This answer was rated:

I am in a relationship with a man that keeps hiding recorders to spy on me and was found to check my emails and phone calls. I do have to say that I did end up cheating on him once but the behavior was already happening before that. He does not want me to see anyone or go anywhere without him. When I did, I found the recorder but had found one in my vehicle before and once under my bed. Not sure what to do. Will he ever change or is it best to just sever this relationship

Russ0114 : Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.


Russ0114 : It sounds to me like he has not forgiven you and based on what you shared, it sounds like he has had trust issues from the beginning if he started recording you prior to him finding out about the infidelity.
Russ0114 : Hi there.

yes he started the bizarre behavior before anything happened


but when it did - it really pushed him over the edge

Russ0114 : It probably highlighted all of his insecurities

He gets so verbally abusive though that he has pushed me to breaking points many times so I'm not sure if I can continue this or if there is any way to get him to stop acting this way

Russ0114 : Sadly, I don't think he'll change and things may actually get more intense.

I'm not allowed to visit anyone or talk to anyone without him being there or being in the room


I used to be very active in classes and visiting friends and haven't been able to talk to friends or do anything since being with him

Russ0114 : And that's no way to live. If he gets anymore jealous or insecure, he may take things further and become violent with you if he gets enraged or feels like he can't control you which is what he's doing.

should I confront him with the recorder I found or just ask him to leave - he lives with me and lives basically off me as he makes only about 1/2 of what I do

Russ0114 : I don't think confronting him will make things better and may actually make things worse.
Russ0114 : Prior to asking him to leave, I would strongly suggest trying to talk to your friends and family to develop a safety plan in case he does try to become violent with you.

ok - I will do that - they are very aware of the situation and have urged me to end the relationship but I thought things would change


I know the cheating did not help but I had a male friend for over 14 years and ended up trying to compensate I think - I have never did anything like this before

Russ0114 : Unfortunately I don't see him getting better especially if these behaviors started well before anything ever happened. It sounds like he's gotten progressively worse and you don't want him to take things further because of his jealousy.

yes true


thank you

Russ0114 : You're very welcome and I wish you the best.
MrsRuss0114, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 215
Experience: B.A.Psychology, MSW, LCSW, HS-BCP; 8+ yrs experience.
MrsRuss0114 and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
well I did end up confronting him on the recorder due to the fact he started getting irrational again and calling me a F __kin liar and a cheater. He throws my exhuband in my face and the time I cheated. In 3 days - he has been verbally abusive 2 of them. I ended up in the ER with shortness of breath and chest pain where they put me on Xanax to help deal with the situation. He came in yesterday all nice but turned around and asked to borrow money. How do I end this without causing more problems - he lives with me and I don't think I can do it by myself with him.

Hi Norma,


I'm going to address this on the chat so that you and I can converse back and forth. I have a 10 a.m. meeting and will be back on line after that.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions