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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience:  PHD LPC
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I have a good friend of mine who i had a miscommunication over

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I have a good friend of mine who i had a miscommunication over facebook last week with regarding her "suddenly vanishing" for 5 months. She thought I was attacking her when I was really trying to explain how i felt, but she misread what i meant, reacted explosivly, and blocked me on facebook. I sent two large apology and clarification letters via an alternative facebook account 3 days ago but have recieved no response of any kind. i've known her for 2.5 years, and it seems it would be stupid to lose her over something this asinine. What should be my next move?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 2 years ago.

Dr. Keane :

Hi, I can help you today.

Customer:

Hello. Sorry to trobule you.

Dr. Keane :

no trouble, this is what we are here for. I am sorry you had to experience this situation, it's difficult to lose a friend, but you know they do come and go throughout life. You have already done all you can do and if she doesn't respond within the week then the friendship is not what you thought it was. If you continue to pursue her with letters etc. she may withdraw even further, I would suggest you just wait it out and if she contacts you.

Customer:

I did save her life in Febuary from an drunken suicide attempt. She knows me better than the way she reacted...

Dr. Keane :

You don't want to appear as though you are "stalking" and if you keep contacting her that may in her mind, seem to be the case.

Dr. Keane :

Ahhh, the plot thickens, could it be that her mental state is not very stable?

Customer:

She is reportingly on medication. She is doing way better than i've seen from her in a while. Very calm. Was reportingly diagnosed as PTSD in Feb.

Dr. Keane :

She may know you better but for some reason she doesn't want to be in contact. How long do you intend to hang in there and try to reconcile this situation?

Customer:

As long as it takes. It is an asinine situtation, it seems foolish to give up over it. She reportingly feels severe guilt over her dissappearance, that has been discribed as a probable cause.

Dr. Keane :

If she had been gone for five months it could be that she is trying to "get better" or she may feel guilty.

Dr. Keane :

sometimes a person who is depressed and in a bad place believes that leaving behind their old life is the only way to start fresh and new. You know her, she may need to be around people who don't know her as well right now.

Dr. Keane :

does that make sense to you?

Customer:

That has been described as a probable cause of her reaction. That She reacted, and withdrew. That makes sense, however, she does have a great deal on her as she is 100 percent responsible for herself. Possibly very busy.

Dr. Keane :

other times there may not seem to be any rhyme or reason to a situation, if she is very busy then you might want to back off and let her do what she needs to do and try again in a month or so.

Customer:

Would trying again around Christmas be reasonable?

Dr. Keane :

She may be doing the work necessary to get her healthy again and maybe she is totally focused on that .

Dr. Keane :

Christmas is less than a month away but it's fine to send her a card, reach out in a simple way, without any expectations and only once.

Dr. Keane :

Keep it light and wish her well, you hope she is feeling well etc etc

Dr. Keane :

Best thing for right now is not to mention her explosive blow up or try to explain yourself

Customer:

I don't want to push her...ok. As I am sometimes a complete stranger to social situations, what are the probable chances of this situation being resolved in a favorable outcome? I'm told miscommunication online is a fairly common problem.

Dr. Keane :

If you do she may interpret it as an attempt to go back and talk about what happened. Let it go.

Dr. Keane :

Probablity? who knows, depends on her reaction to your communication. It is easy to miscommunicate online since you don't have the face to face component to "read" reactions. I hesitate to offer you probably chances since I do not know her or you however, I believe that if you approach it in a positive low key manner you'll have a better chance of a response. Does that help?

Dr. Keane :

probability" sorry

Customer:

She can be so asinine sometimes its beyond me....It was very low key, and I did take full blame for my actions, though i did explain them calmly and rationally.

Dr. Keane :

So now you need to take a big step back and do the waiting game, hopefully it can be resolved positively. But if not you take what you learned from this and move on.

Dr. Keane :

there is no way you can know what is motivating her right now.

Customer:

She is exactly like me, a person whos social development never occured because of a tramatic childhood. She's like a grown up child sometimes. If she ever gave me any value, it will be resolved favorably. I understand. I will wait.

Customer:

And this is the first time we've fought since June 2010.

Dr. Keane :

which is why you need to give her time so your decision is good. I know it isn't easy for you since you want to get over this now but some things need time.

Dr. Keane :

Well there is a first time for everything and if you are that good together as friends then let it work itself out. Good luck! Let me know if I can help you further and please accept when you leave the chat so I get credit for my response.

Customer:

We've been through hell and back together over the years more times than i care to remember. It should work out nicely. That's what everyone who knows her and me has said. Chances are they are probably right. They also say to wait and not push it. Guess thats what i have to do.

Dr. Keane, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: PHD LPC
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