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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I hope this remains private. I just turned 71, married 49

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I hope this remains private. I just turned 71, married 49 years, and feel like I don't want to remain in the relationship for the rest of my life. from the beginning of our marriage he was traveling a lot, but never made me feel missed. He never made me feel like a woman either sexually or romantically. He had an affair when we were married 24 years with a young intern in his business who was one year older than my oldest child, but we decided to stay together. to this day, I get anry with myself because I was so afraid to be alone. I could never forget it but we managed to go on. I remet an old boyfriend from high school who made me feel very special, and so I decided what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I did tell my husband after it was over, and he simply said "I deserved it." My "friendship" went on for 7 years and he unfortunately passed away. When he did, that made my marriage seem even less meaningful and more lonely. Today, I feel like I can't take any more of not being made to feel like a desired woman. I might add that I don't know why I didn't leave him in the beginning because he had such a low sex drive, and used its as reward and punishment, and told me many times that I was the abnormal one. I know I am going through some kind of life crisis, but I don't know what to do. We have w3 children and 8 grandchildren, and I am embarrassed at this stage of my life to tell them we are separating. It's just a very bad time in my life and I feel like I am wasting whatever I have left. Please send me an answer. This is an honest E mail and I need help sorting things out. He never respected my ability to be a mother, joked about me in front of my friends and most of all I did try so many times to discuss all of this with him when each was a problem, but he just told me I was never happy and laughed all of my trying to talk to him. He would reverse it and it would always be an argument that left me crying.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

It sounds as if this life crisis has been building up for a very long time. It probably would have come to a head sooner if you didn't have the comfort of your high school friend for those seven years.

I know you fear embarrassment, but you may find that your children were already aware of your unhappiness...they often sense it even when it's not talked about. And even if they are upset--this is your life, and you have the right to make the most of the rest of it.

I will tell you that the dating pool is slim for women over 60, but if your unhappiness is great enough that even being alone would be better than continuing the way you are, that should be enough to make your decision on.

There can be great liberation in living alone--not having to answer to anyone else, the freedom to come and go as you like, and enjoying the pleasure of your own company.

Get your finances in order first, because poverty will take a lot of the enjoyment out of your new life. Start getting involved in activities that will give you social interaction when you want it. Explain to the kids that you've been unhappy for a long time, but stuck out the marriage for their sakes...and now it's time for it to be over.

If you have any ambivalence about moving out on your own, consider booking a few sessions with a therapist. Having a neutral party to bounce things off of can be a great way to figure out what you really want. Here's a link to a directory to help you find someone: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

I wish you all the best as you consider what the next "act" of your life will look like.

Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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