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Ask Cathy Your Own Question

Cathy
Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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My situation is that for the last almost ten yrs my husband

Resolved Question:

My situation is that for the last almost ten yrs my husband was a office manager and financially we were fine we brought in just about the same income and we had no problem affording our home we built. How ever One day the owner of the company sold his business to another Pearson. Shortly after that my husband out of the blue came home and said he quite his job.. Because his new boss was a jack a.. And with out even considering My self or our daughters needs he just quite. Now he drives a cab and makes almost no money. I have even begged his old boss to take him back i have tried to find my husband a job at my place of employment. He always seems so uninterested in finding a new job.. And now the life style we have been accustom to for yrs is no more... I am financially in trouble i can not afford to pay the mortgage and he continues not to care our home is going to be taken away and all my credit has gone bad as well ..Now i feel like there is no way we can afford to stay here in this state i thought if i had us relocate i would still have my job so we could make it till he could find work. But the problem is if i except a transfer i must go or i will lose my job.. My husband new this Every time i ask him how he felt about relocating to a place he could find work and where my family was close and could be my support system he never answers. In stead he said im settled with my life her. I feel like i need to take my daughter with me and relocate but he hold her over my head and now she said she is happy with her life here. He wants me to move into a place he is going to pick out. He said 550.00 is cheap. Cheap for who? I only am bringing in 700.00 and he is bringing in 30 or 40 dollars a day if that.. So cheap for who when i will be the one responsible for paying all the bills still. I don't know what to do i feel depressed sad frustrated alone. It seems the more i try the less i get.. thanks for listening.. Any advice would be great. Nancy
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 2 years ago.

Cathy :

Hi are you there?

Cathy :

Nancy are you there?

Customer:

yes hi

Cathy :

Nancy are you there?

Customer:

i am her

Cathy :

Hi, how are you holding up tonight?

Cathy :

okay

Customer:

im doing my best how r u

Cathy :

I am fine thanks for asking

Cathy :

I have read your post and am sorry you are going through such a terrible time

Cathy :

this is something a lot of people are going through right now

Customer:

thanks

Cathy :

I hear this alot in my office every day

Cathy :

but it sounds as if there are other wrinkles in this for you

Customer:

yes unfortunately lots

Cathy :

can you tell me just a little bit more about your situation? where do you live and what kind of work that you do and where you can transfer to and of course yes anything else you think is important

Customer:

ok my daught er is 12 and i have worked for wal-mart for 7 yrs and i live in north Carolina. um i wanted to transfer to new your where my dad lives he is a where of all of my domestic violence issues that i have been going through. i feel like even though there have been emotional abuse and physical abuse now im feeling like im getting financial abuse as well i am drained . i feel like husband is always Christianizing be always being negative I feel isolated

Cathy :

okay I see

Cathy :

He hurt you physically as well as emotionally? is that what you are saying and YES financial abuse is a form of domestic violence as well

Customer:

it always seems the law is on his side he comes off as this caring great husband and father yes he did there was a call place to the police and i got arrested because i got tired of being knocked to the ground so i got up one more time and and swung at hi m wrong of me to do i know

Cathy :

oh Nancy

Cathy :

I am so sorry

Cathy :

where does your Dad live in new york and is there a walmart near him where you can transfer?

Customer:

yea he left me in jail for 24 hrs i had brusise and they said it sucks that i was there but at least i was safe for the time cuse it could have been worse for me

Cathy :

I know

Cathy :

I understand what you are saying

Customer:

yes he lives real close to the one that will take me

Cathy :

okay and you and your daughter can live with him for a few months while you get on your feet?

Cathy :

can you do this Nancy?

Customer:

yes but my husband wont let her go and now he has made her say she wants to stay with him. and my dad said don't go because he will sue u for child support.. But he cant financially take care of her

Cathy :

okay Nancy, is this both your child, you are your husband or just yours?

Customer:

both of ourrs

Cathy :

and can you tell me whom she wishes to live with? can she say who she would prefer to live with?

Cathy :

okay

Cathy :

who does she wish to live with?

Customer:

well she is a daddys girl she said him

Cathy :

okay so that makes this hard

Customer:

yea becuse i feel gult becuse i no he cant provide for her

Cathy :

if you you wish to leave him she will choose him, do you think you can live with that?

Cathy :

well the bigger issue is that she will choose him whether or not he can support her

Customer:

i dont know ive been dealing with this for almost 20 yrs

Cathy :

and its clear that she does not know he has abused you

Cathy :

well its amazing but also good that your daughter is not aware of the abuse

Cathy :

I dont know how you protected her from that but you did

Customer:

Oh she has seen it but he put most of the blame on me sez it is cause by my actions cuse i am not a happy Pearson and im never satisfied

Cathy :

children know better Nancy

Cathy :

they know

Cathy :

so its good that you protected her

Cathy :

the rest is up to you

Cathy :

you can leave and move to NYwithout her and live with your dad

Cathy :

or you can stay and see what happens there

Cathy :

I think its a good idea for you to get out

Customer:

believe me so do i i just didn't know if this was another abuse tactic or with finances

Cathy :

no financial abuse usually goes along all abuse, its just more subtle

Cathy :

it goes along with verbal and physical abuse so you are on target on this

Cathy :

no worries about your judgment there

Customer:

oh i was thinking maybe i might be making to much out of that

Customer:

second guessing my self i guess

Cathy :

No I think you are NOT making too much out of this :)

Customer:

ok thank u

Cathy :

I can well understand why you would second guess, it sounds to me as if you have been through quite a lot already

Cathy :

okay but take your time on this Nancy

Customer:

yea

Cathy :

really think it over before you act

Customer:

ok

Cathy :

make sure you have all your ducks in a row if you know what I mean

Cathy :

be careful too

Cathy :

dont get hurt again

Cathy :

or framed again

Cathy :

okay?

Customer:

yes i do and i will thank u for talking the time to talk to me ok.

Cathy :

ok pleasure to talk with you Nancy and take good care. Night now.

Customer:

night

Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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