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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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Im having troubles in my marriage right now, they are financial.

Resolved Question:

I'm having troubles in my marriage right now, they are financial. About 5 years ago i found out my husband had re-morgage our house without my knowledge to the sum of over £50,000 then I found out he had approx £10,000 in credit card debit, we sorted all this out and I asked him to be honest with me about the finances he said and promised me that was all the debit we were in, about 6 months later I found about another £3,000. again I asked is that absolutely it, he said yes, then later I found another credit card debit for about £10,000 . We now have a new situation which I beleive my husband has been lying to me about, again it is financial, he says his last job ( which he left) owes him 3 months salary, which to date had not been paid from July. I don't believe he is being honest with me. We moved out to Antigua from the Uk 2 years ago with my husbands job. I feel I have been very very supportive and have given him plenty of changes to tell me the truth. My plans to stay in Antigua rather then go home to the UK were based on the fact we'd have the 3 months salary to live on , I'm now struggling hard to keep up with the bills.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Are you able to frame a question that you would like to ask me so that I'll be in a better position to help you?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I'll pause here and await your response.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Hi

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

What exactly is your question?

Customer:

Should I walk away from the marriage?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

That's hard for anyone to answer but you. I would need to now ask you questions to know your feelings to enable you to answer that question. Certainly, it seems that you cannot trust him. Most people would want to leave someone who lies the way he does. Are you comfortable with making the decision to walk away from him?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Have you thought through what it means for you to walk away? I well understand that you would want to do this. He is NOT to be trusted.

Customer:

In myself I feel strong enough to be on my own and to control my own destiny, but I have two big hurdles, One is of course the children who are 12 and 9 they would be absolutley heartbroken and secondarly is the commitment `i made to god in the face of marriage. My husband isn't a regilous person and I'm not a regular church goer but I have a strong sence of duty. I think I should als mention that currently my husband is working away on another island as he had to find another job quickly. I truly don't believe he is a bad man and I know he loves us dearly but he just can't be honest and upfront about financies.

Dr. Shirley Schaye and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
Sorry I just noticed that my response to you did not go through. My most humble apologies. I'll recraft my response.
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.
What I wrote before is that you should sit down and talk to him and tell him that you should see about making sure that ALL bank accounts require both yours and his signature. Ifyou sit down and talk to him and he does not want to do this then you should speak to him about both of you visiting a marriage counselor to help you work out a solution that will put a stop to his lying. Frankly the joint signatures and all transactions requiring not one or the other signature but both signatures seems to me to be the best solution to the problem you are having with your husband. Let me know what you think. The chat has moved to Question and Answer ( that's probably when I lost my response), so just put Dr. Shirley Scaye before your response and I will be the one to respond.
Again, sorry that my response got lost.

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