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Suzanne
Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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My wife has a very large group of male friends and many of

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My wife has a very large group of male friends and many of these friends are single guys. She has them on her FB as well as on her BBM messenger, her skype and other communication sofware she uses on computer and cell phone. This make me feel very insecure as i have no idea what these relationships look like. I have spoken to her about this a few times and she says she cant understand why i feel insecure about it, at times she actually gets angry with me for bringing it up and then i just back off and leave it, but it builds up within me and then i will confront her again only to get the same response again. The other thing about these single guys she befriends is i know nothing about them which adds to my insecurity. I dont believe it is wrong for her to have male friends it is just that this part of her world seems so distant from me and so i feel as though i have no control over fighting for my marriage should one of these guys befriend her in a more emotional and intimate way. I have also grown up ith morals (if i can out it that way) that when i see her involved with this large community of male friends just goes against how i feel about this, in that i feel a relationship(marriage) should be totally transparent in that i as her husband have the right to be included in this life of hers so i can safe gaurd my marriage and family should one of these guys try their luck with her. What also adds to my frustrtaion is that she is a counsellor and so many of these guys who she befriends are guys she has counselled on their relationships, which leaves me to wonder if they cling to her cause she is fulling a void within them which their relationships cant fill, which then to me can be dangerous cause they have a need for her, or a want for her. Also the fact that me and my wife cant reach understanding in this worries me as like i said she is a counsellor.....so surely of all people she should be able to work through this with me in a positive way and not a destructive way as has been happening 9Destructive in that we cant have a vocab about this issue withiut her getting really upset.)
Please help me understand this or help me find tools to deal with it in the right way, and please tell me if you feel i am been silly by feeling threatened by these male friends.
Much appreociated
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
I know my wife has not been unfaithful. It is just that she does not see anythong wrong with having male friends, in the sense that i dont know them on a personal basis so i feel as though i am in the dark to how their relationships look and work. I feel she should be making an effort to include me with these relationships. i also feel that it is not needed that she have so many different communication access points, i keep asking myself why this is so, i keep asking is there something that these guys offer her on a security basis or emotional basis which i am failing at. She says i need to just trust her and believe in her that should any of these guys try their luck so to say that her judgement will and who she is will put them in their place. If i am wrong to be feeling insecure and threatened by these male friends, how do i deal with that in a constructive way without destroying my marriage?
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.
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