Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective
Your wife is being inappropriate in her actions and lifestyle. Your relationship with her is not enough to fulfill her needs, whether they are just social or are more than that. You have every right to feel insecure and threatened.
If she is a counsellor then she should not have dual relationships with her clients. They must stay within the realm of professional contacts. What she is doing is professionally inappropriate according to the ethics rules of our profession.
It is also unethical in terms of her marriage relationship, and she is destroying your marriage and doesn't seem to know or, if she does, then she does nort care.
There are several reasons that she might be doing this, but this is mere speculation on my part:
- she has a Narcissistic Personaltiy Disorder; she has a need for excessive amiration; she has a sense of entitlement to do as she pleases; she is preoccupied with fantasies of beauty, brilliance, ideal love, power, or limitless success; she has a grandiose sense of self-imporance; she exploits others for her personal goals; she lacks empathy for others (for YOU in particular).
- she is suffering from other disorders or chemical imbalance that has made her hypersexual by affecting her frontal-temporarl lobe on her brain that regulates libido
- she has bipolar disorder and is engaging in reckless sexual behaviour.
- she has obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and her obsession is men/sex.
If you find that you are not fitting into her life, and she sees nothing wrong with it and will not change or seek help (narcissisists never seek help), then you have to either put up with it or consider leaving the marriage. Whether she knows it or not, she is pushing you out, and doesn't care about how you feel.
This is not normal behaviour and you should not have to put up with it, or even feel responsible for it. I'm sure that this is not what you want from this relationship, and if you don't see an end to this patterns, I urge you to leave, even though this is a difficult option to take. Consider the alternative.
I believe that in an ideal relationship, each partner should be precious to the other. You would do better with a relationship like that. This one just doesn't make it.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
I wish you strength, courage, and the wisdom to do what is best for you,