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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7532
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I became insecure with behaviors being displayed by my guy

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I became insecure with behaviors being displayed by my guy and came up w/ a number to see if he was ignoring me. I lied it wasnt for me for 2days and finally came clean. I apologized and he said he was going to give me a fair chance only to find out I was demoted to "just friends" right then. I didnt know that since he stayed with me for 3days a wk after my mistake. He says I have start as a friend 1st and show I'm sorry. I dont see that as a fair chance. His ex did many similar incidents as mine. He deleted me from Facebook and then friend requested me again 2 days later. He is angry but still will try to communicate w/ me. Right now he has physcial and mental attraction to a grl moving to Arizona Tues so its like a fling. I didnt react to it. We had been seeing each other seriously for 3mths. He is 30 w/ no job for 6mth, a child he hasnt seen in over a yr and i offered to drop him off to see her when I went to va. Lied about being married only 1xs and found out its been 2xs when i public record check(which he sees as a strike so i have 2 strikes), and has a felony for identity theft, and lives with this parents. He doesnt exactly drive anywhere. i Keep asking him about this cuz his reason just connect. I drove 2hrs round trip to get him and would stay at my apt while i was at wrk. Im 30 with a ft job, pt job, live alone, have a BAE, and 5 classes away from a masters, and i have a car, neve been married, no kids, and only speeding tickets.
Im hurt, sad, and angry. I dont understand why i dropped so fast. What is the best way to deal w/ this??? I still like the guy but feel the way he delt w/ this situation send red flags. What should I do??

dumbfounded 30yrs old
-There's an awful lot of "he" and "him" in this question, with a stark absence of "me" and "my".

Given your sophistication via education and age, I'm taken aback by your surrender of 'self' to someone who is acting like your drill master or parent.

The moment he said you were "demoted" or used the words "strikes" you would have done well to tell him "Let me help you speed this up - I'm not 'demoted', I'm now MIA; and as for 'strikes', here's number two and three... I'm OUTTA here"

---- If he doesn't respect you for standing up for yourself and allow that anyone can make a mistake, then I promise you, this will only get worse as time goes on.

Mistakes happen. How one tolerates them speaks volumes of that person. This guy sounds like an insufferable boor who not only expects control over a woman, but is adept at manipulating in order to get that control.

You have far too much going for you to tolerate this. I hope.

You see red flags for a reason: There are a sea full of them and that noise you're hearing is the alarm bells going off along with them.

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