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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Im(28) dating a single mom (31)for just over 3 months now.

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I'm(28) dating a single mom (31)for just over 3 months now. The last two times we have went out we end up fighting over small things but it gets so bad that she starts calling me an asshole, moron, jerk, those types of names. For instence two weeks ago we went to Toronto to do xmas shopping and stayed over night, we had to leave early and we st)ed up late the night b4. I tried getting her up at 8 since we had to do a lot of shopping and I had to make some pit stops on the way I.e pick up my cell phone from being repaired, she knew these things. So I didn't press the matter, I let her sleep in n she got up around 9:30 . So we left an hour later and it takes two hrs for us to drive there n she knows this. She started getting upset n short with me cause I had to make those pit stops, I cancelled them to make her happy and get us there sooner, she then got upset as we got closer cause of traffic n got pissed at me cause I didn't take a fast enough route. I had us there by 1:00 pm dropped her off n said I needed a break from u, I went got the car washed, she later txted me and apologized for what she had done n said and said she was an awful person. I accepted and we moved on. Everything was going great until 8 pm when she got mad at me for calling her honey, she has told me she hates being called pet names and I've been working on not saying it at all but sometimes slips out. Well she got so mad that she was starting to lose her temper as I said what's your problem with me saying nice things to u. I walked away as she was letting me havve it cause I'd just had enough. We stayed over night and it was all my fault what happened according to her. We made up sort of the next morning and started, until recently, getting back on track. I've not met her kids yet so I rarly get to see her. She had a stressful night on monday and broke down and needed me, she said, I skipped work to be with her as she was feeling lonly and depressed. I helped she said. Last night we went on a date and I work nights so I sleep through the day. I told her I had to work OT and stayed tell 11am, slept from 1 to 5:30pm and met her an hour away at 6:45, well I was supposed to be there at 6:30 so she let me know that, and my hat was sitting up to high so she picked that apart on me, then my voice is to loud and she kept shushing me, I found this all very rude and disrespectful, but said nothing. The times when she was talking she was dropping the F bomb and speaking loud enough for ppl to herar, so its ok for her but not me???. Then she was telling me about work and she said she almost did something inapropriate, I said what? Drop a racist slur? She said yah almost, but I caught myself. I said to her jokingly "u racist person u" and laughed cause I know she's not. Well she just said" f**k man keep your voice down, saying I'm racist" I just said plain and simple, u were the one who said u almost said a racist slur and these ppl in here(restaurant) aren't listening to u n me they r having there own conversations. She started saying that I'm embarrassing and I said to her" why did I even come her" and she just said yah why did u. I sat there until our meal came n didn't say a word the whole time nor did she except to say "so this is f**king great" we ate, I went to the bathroom n came back n she had the bill all ready to take care of and said u can just leave, know one is forcing u to stay, so I left. She txt me when I was in my vehicle and said I should keep walking n that I've humiliated her beyond belief and she didn't diserve that. I have cooked, cleaned and been there for her on numourous times and she doesn't respect me for that and gives me this kind of attitude for no reason in my opinion. Was I wrong? Why do I still want to be eith her? Should I call and apologize? Should I recomend couples couciling? Should I write this all down and say it to her? Please help, I feel like shit cause of it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

I think you should do all of the following. If you want the relationship then write down what is upsetting you and find a couples counselor. Keep in mind that she is very demanding and seems to have a multitude of double standards for you and her. I think the controlling part of her personality isn't going to change. She is used to dictating the behaviors of others while she has no boundaries. Be aware that not anything is solved by couples counseling. She has parts of her personality that will not change. When people have deep connections to these traits then that behavior is very unwilling to be receptive to therapy. I would suggest that you consider that this relationship has massive problems. You want a nice person. Do you want to be in a relationship that is not mutually beneficial

 

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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6884
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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