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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Do you believe that he will come back? He has not deleted me

Customer Question

Do you believe that he will come back? He has not deleted me from his friends' list on facebook and I can still sent him game requests on poker. Is there anything else I can do?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
It is a good signthat he has kept you as a friend on facebook. That just is saying we can still keep in contact and he knows that things might change. He isn't ready to let you go. He still wants to keep in contact with you. The best way to express yourself is through a song. You don't have to say anthing and it is a nice gesture to give someone a song that has meaning. It is just like playing a game, since this is the way you are communicating. You send him a song that you feel is the best song that relates too you and him. He will listen to it and know how you feel. He then might respond back with a song for you as well. It is a step in getting him to come back. It is a different way of communicating. You don't have to say anything just give him the song title and the artist and he will listen to it on his own time. If you have any more questions I am here.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have met someone on Facebook and we were getting along very well. We have also met and we decided we would continue. Things were getting very good and we were planning to see each other again. Suddenly he came out one day angry with me and told me that he has asked me not to send him messages on Facebook and that I have become his shadow and think we are a couple. He also said he had enough problems on his mind and he said that it was enough and didn't write to me again. He has me on his facebook friends' list but I can't see his updates and he has deleted I think all his photos from his profile. I haven't been messaging him a lot.I have expressed my self with songs as on how I feel and also I wrote very discreetly on my status on facebook on how much I appreciate his friendhip and him as a person and a friend.I can also sent him requests from games that we have played together on Facebook and even messages, but I won't do that again as he was angry with me about that.I also apologised to him again about that very discreetly and not mentioning his name. And I have never tried to call him or text him on his phone. Will he come back? Is there a chance? Thank you!
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
He sounds like he pushed you away because he is having problems in his life that need to be solved. He says he has enough on his mind meaning he has a lot to worry about and he doesn't want to have to worry about a relationship. Expressing yourself with songs is good, its expressing yourself through music without having to say a word. I would message him if you can just saying that you are here if he needs you, even if its to talk, you seem like you have a lot on your mind and it helps to have someone that will listen and understand. It sounds like he is burden with problems and doesn't want to have anymore to worry about. What seemed to have happened was he had so many problems and he thought of he could have had a relationship, but he couldn't handle both and didn't want to burden you with his problems, he ended up backing off.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
So he will come back then?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
There is a possibilty he might come back because I feel he is working things out in his life and he feels he needs to be prepared to enter a relationship. He doesn't want a new relationship to end or get messed up because he was so focused on his problems. I think he couldn't give you the attention he wanted to give yoou, so he decided he neede time to sort things out.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you so much!!! I felt bad because he was so abrupt in his last message that made me very unhappy. He knows that I wouldn't do anything inappropriate towards him. Is this then why he has kept me in his facebook friends instead of deleting me entirely? He has restricted me from seeing updates in his profile though, thing I would never do to anyone!!! I know this is not appropriate but he is married and his wife is sick with breast cancer but I think he started falling in love with me... Could u tell anything like this?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
He kept you in his friends list because he still wants to be friends. His wife having breast cancer is something that changes your whole life. Cancer is something that is a battle that is very difficult to see someone go through. It is a feelings of helplessness and loss of control. Because you can't change someone you care about to make them better, they have to fight a battle to get better while you just watch. He doesn't want people to get the wrong impression of yours and his friendship on facebook. Being that he is married, he doesn't want people thinking he is doing something wrong. He is going through a very emotional time right now and it would be nice for you to be there as a friend to support him through this difficult time. His message was so out of the blue because he is going through so much he didn't want to have anymore problems, be it wasn't anything towards you, he was just acting out of fustration. I would contact him and tell him you are there for him through this difficult time.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I can't send him a message on facebook because he asked me not to. But we have been talking on yahoo and I can send him an email there. Do you think he has developed feelings for me like being in love?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I would send him an email. It sounds like he needs someone to talk with, but doesn't want to talk on facebook. Maybe he likes to communicate through emails instead of facebook. He is staying in contact with you and I feel that he needs someone in his life because what he is going through. His feelings would be very confusing right now. His emotions would be all ovee the place. He could be developing feelings for you, but is upset because his wife is sick and needs him to be there for her, but he also needs support as well. So ask him if he needs anything and that you are here to talk.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He confessed to me that he hasn't been sexually intimate with his wife for two and a half years now because she is sick. He told me that he is very attracted to me and that he wanted us to be intimate. We have met once and got along very well together. He did kiss me and told me he does long for me but it hasn't moved further than just kissing and holding each other. I am attracted to him also and feel very nice when we talk, because he has his attention focused on me.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
His wife has been sick for a long time and he would be very confused right now on how he feltcan about anyone. He hasn't been intimate with his wife for two years. You both get along very well, but he is going to feel very confused. He doesn't want to get to involved where his wife is sick. He needs someone to talk with and escape from the problems he is having. I am sure he llikes talking with you because he needs someone to listen and understand.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
But he will still come back won't he?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi! I apologised to him from my status. Very discreetly saying that a public I am sorry, is enough for someone if they have done something wrong, because they admit to have done something wrong and that everyone deserves a second or third chance to talk things out. Nooone I said can be very absolute if they don't hear the other side also.I hope I did well. Do you also believe he will come back? Thank u very much!
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
That was a good idea and it sounds perfect. I think once things become a little more clear in his life, he will not be trying to push you away.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi! Is there a chance that he might have meant what he said, that he didn't want to have any more problems on his mind? Sometimes it feels bad because he did like me a lot and now that he is so distant it hurts. I hope he saw in my profile on that I apologised to him. It doesn't feel so good without him around to talk to. I can't even go and play with him in games like poker on facebook because I don't want him to think that I do chase him around. I still send him requests for the games we share though. Do you think I should try and get in one of the rooms he plays or should I give him time to clear things?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
People tend to say things when they have a lot on their mind. Things that they say are being triggered by certain emotions. People often say things they do not mean when they have a lot on their mind. A good start is to try and do something you use to do together. You could go into one of the rooms he is playing a game in. He doesn't seem to like talking on facebook, maybe he feels there is not enough privacy. I would email him and still tell him if he needs to talk you are here and you hope to hear from him soon. If you go into a room he is playing a game in, see if he signs out of the game this will tell you if he is comfortable with playing a game with you. Don't worry about if he thinks your following him, just go in like you normally would do and play. I don't think you should change or avoid the things you once did.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you! I will try but what if he leaves the room once I get in?Then what?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
Then I feel he is still very uncomfortable with his feelings. I think he feels guilty for everything he has said, but I feel he wanted a certain amount of privacy to talk with you, that is why he tries to avoid facebook because it is very public. He didn't want to make things look like he was doing something wrong. He wants to communicate with you, but on his terms. I want you to try going int a room and see what happens. If he stays then he is ok with you and him communicating in this way.
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1782
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
Dear Debra and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi. He deleted me from his friends list but didn't block me.And I haven't done anything wrong... :(
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi. He deleted me from his friends list but didn't block me.And I haven't done anything wrong... :( I don't know what to do. I just go in and play like the others...I don't know what to do now. :-(
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

I want you to go into one of the games that you both always played and just play the game. I want to see how he reacts. Right now he is uncomfortable with having you on his friends list. Right now he is having trouble understanding his feelings, he is very confused by how he is feelings. He is trying to take you off his list because he is trying to keep his life private.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I sent him request for a one to one poker today but now I cannot go into the rooms he plays because I can't see him there. I have to be on his friends list and now I am not. Could it be he is really having feelings for me? On MSN and possibly on yahoo he still has me and it was there that I have sent the email some weeks ago saying that I am sorry...
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I think for some reason he does not want to communicate on facebook, maybe someone said something too him about you. He is trying to keep that part of his life private. You said you can now not see him in the rooms because he took you off friends list. But you sent him a one on one game request. Lets see if he accept the request. But I would contact him on yahoo or mSN since he seems to be more comfortable with using those sites. You could drop him a message on yahoo asking if everything is ok and if he needs to talk you are always here to listen.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
The request for the one on one game was sent before he took me off his friends' list. Right now I am feeling very sad abt this... I am not a bad person and yet I feel he thinks I am...because he has taken me off his friends' list.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I don't want you to feel sad and be upset. Certain things happen in love and you can't ever predict what is going to happen. He might have took you off his friends list now but he might put you back a few days from now when he realized he shouldn't have removed you. He needs time to think about his feelings. I understand you are upset, but stay positive that everything will work out.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
This relationship then was a love relationship? I hope he realizes that I am not a bad person and that he will come back...
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I feel that there were strong feelings in a start of a relationship, but with everything that is on his mind, he had concerns and he pulled away. I don't feel he think syou are a bad person, I feel he is just confused about his feelings and certain things going on in his life.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I really liked him and still do but I am feeling disappointed and sad because he has deleted me from his friends list on facebook. I think he has me on yahoo and msn though. I am not going to bother him anymore but I hope he will come back. Even as friend or at least come out on yahoo to talk to me. Do you still believe he will talk to me again?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I do believe he will talk with you again and you should check if you are still able to talk with him through yahoo or msn. I think it is best if he contacts you now.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi. Do you think it will take him a long time to talk to me again?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
No, I don't I think if he doesn't;t hear from you, he will get worried that you gave up on him and are no longer there.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi!! I discovered that he still has me on msn and yahoo. He hasn't blocked me or deleted me. Does this mean anything? At least I am a little happy abt this, but still pray that he comes out in yahoo to talk... I miss talking to him... It feels like my life has emptied without him..He was a good friend and I still think of him like this. The tears in my eyes when I think abt him show that...
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
This is a good sign that he hasn't blocked you on other sites. I feel he just ants to keep his privacy on facebook. So I feel you should message him asking if you both could start over as friends because you enjoy talking with him and you miss just talking.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He hasn't entirely blocked me from facebook either. He just deleted me. I cannot send him a message on facebook because this is the reason he has probably deleted me in the first place. How can things get right again, when they seem so impossible?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I know things look impossible right now, but things will get better. I don't want you to worry. This is a process of him understanding his feelings. Im sure he enjoyed talking with you, but he is going through so much right now and even though it is hard you need to be patient with him. Email him and tell him you are here when ever he needs you to just talk you will be there to listen.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Deardebra hi,

I have sent him a friend request on facebook again. I haven't sent him anything else. I hope I did well. If he blocks me after seeing my request then it will mean that he will never come back. I hope he won't because I do still think of him as a friend.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi again. The latest news is that he has declined my friend request and has blocked me now on Facebook. I don't know what he is thinking and what is wrong. I am very sad and disappointed and will try to forget about him. I don't know what I have done to him that he doesn't want to be friends anymore...
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I still feel like there is something with facebook that he doesn't want people to know that you are friends, or he doesn't want you posting things on his wall. If he likes to keep his life private he might not want you on his facebook. He also could want to not let anyone know that he talks with you. Some times when someone cares about someone they don't like people to know because they are afraid someone might mess things up. Some times when someone is interested in someone and they don't want to lose them they try to keep that peice of their life private.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I think he blocked me because he still believes that I have become his shadow, which is not true. I hope he would give me the chance to tell him that he is so wrong but this way he is so absolute and he made things impossible now... I am sad abt this because we had such good communication and now he has blocked it with his own thinking...
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
I think you should give this some time. Let him think about everything that has happened and everything that is going on in his life. He needs to realize that you were here for him and you were not his shadow, you were a good friend who was supporting him through tough times. He will come around once he has time to think. If he doesn't hear from you he will worry that he lost you as a friend. He needs to miss you now.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Even if he has blocked me in facebook there is still the chance to miss me? He seems so distant right now that this seems so impossible to me..I haven't been disturbing him in any other way... :-( And he will think abt it? I am kind of scared he will just forget abt me... Frown Cry
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I am trying very hard not to worry and just focus on my life and job now. Choices like what? I hope he does because I miss him very much as a friend.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes it is very hard not knowing. I would like to thank you for being there for me and for trying to make me think positive!
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Some time ago, he told me he was feeling very pressured from work and financially in general and that it wasn't something to do with me... I guess because I kept writing him on fb and all that triggered him into reacting the way he had towards me...I hope he talks.. I miss him very much as a friend...If he cleared his feelings for me also, I wouldn't mind be more than a friend either.. but this is so distant..
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello, these days full of the Christmas magic and the New Year, I find my self thinking abt him a lot. In my heart, I feel very sad, even though I am trying to think positive that he hasn't really forgotten about me.. Every time I think abt him, tears come into my eyes and wish that he really thinks of me as a good person and that he will find it in his heart to forgive me if I have done anything wrong and will come back soon... :-( I do miss him, he was a very dear friend for me and all our conversations, were very sincere...
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I already have written to him in the email. I wished him for Christmas and told him that I want him always to be happy and successful. I hope he reads the email and hope he will eventually come in yahoo and talk.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello!!! I have this new profile on Facebook that I have created for my business and there I can see his profile.. I want so much to add him as a friend but I am afraid that he is going to block me again if I do... I just want to talk to him and because I can't do anything abt this, it is so difficult...I remember all our wonderful conversations and miss him even more and wish he was back or would unblock me on FB... :-(
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
1.I know. I thought of adding him, but I am scared. What if he not only blocks me but reports me too? I keep wishing things would change.. His absence is hurting... because when we met we did kiss and held each other too ...
2. What does it mean when men say they want to be friends with benefits?
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello. He hasn't contacted me yet. I have found his profile on another site and sent him a friend request. He hasn't accepted it yet and I don't know if he will or if he has. I have sent him an email apologising to him and if I deserved to be blocked and deleted from fb then it was ok. Also I told him I didn't want him to unblock me or anything. He felt he should and he did at the time. I told him I am his friend still and honor his friendship and do not want anything more from him than that. I don't know but I am still sad and miss him very much as a friend..
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also, I have discovered that he hadn't deleted me on yahoo. Even if he has changed his settings so I can see him offline when he is online in yahoo, then he cans still receives offline messages and may have read what I wrote to him there in the email too. I am happy at least abt this and I have come to believe that he will talk to me when he feels ready. If he wanted he would have deleted me from yahoo too. :-)
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello! I saw him online on Netlog yesterday. I said hello and tried to get him into replying but he didn't reply. He might have been busy. The good thing is that he didn't block me there. I dared adding him as a friend on the professional profile on facebook today and I hope he accepts. If he doesn't and if he blocks me again, I am not sure what to do.... He hasn't been online today yet to accept or not my request yet or at least I think he hasn't ...
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello!! He has been online and on facebook because he has posted something on his wall. He hasn't accepted my friend request nor has he deleted me or blocked me... at least not yet! Is this a sign that he might accept me again or even talk to me on yahoo soon???
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello. He hasn't accepted the request that I sent him on facebook. He has been online because it shows he has accepted other people's requests. I sent him a message explaining that this was a professional profile and I do not use it to play games or do anything else, and that I created it after being pressured by my students to do so. He hasn't replied to my message but he also hasn't blocked me because I sent him the message on facebook. He still has me on yahoo messenger. Should these things give me hope that he will come back as a friend? Or he just ignored my friend request on facebook, because he has accepted other people?
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi. He still hasn't accepted my friend request on facebook. He adds other people as friends and not me... :-( This makes me feel very sad each time I see new friends on his list and not me. I really thought of him as a good friend and still do. He hasn't blocked me or deleted my request and that means it is still pending but I am sad because I cannot do anything else and he still keeps his silence with me. I said I was really and truly sorry for messaging him too much on facebook. And what's more I have never msged him on his cell phone or even called him there without his permission... I feel that he hates me and it is making me feel horrible by not adding me back.. I cannot do anything else...
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello! I have sent him the friend request again like you have advised. He accepted someone else again and not me. He is not blocking or deleting me so I can still see his updates on his wall. It seems that he has chosen my name then, to not be able to see his updates, because from my professional profile I can see photos that he added after he told me he wanted us to stop.Then, my personal file, was still on his friend list.He doesn't at least come out to say that he accepts my apologies for emailing him on facebook and this makes me even more disappointed and sad. I really don't know what else to do! :-(
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
ok... I just hope he will come back. As a friend. I just miss him as my friend. Nothing more. :-(
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I have.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
In other words, you do believe he will come back?
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi!!! I am writing back, because today (Sunday) after a long time, I saw that he was online on yahoo!!! I was right then that he hadn't deleted me!!! I found it strange though because he doesn't go online on yahoo at the weekend!!! I was only sad that I missed him though ... :-( Does this mean that he does think about me and our friendship?
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I hope he does!!! I was so excited to have seen he was online on yahoo!!! I will try to give him more time even though ti is very difficult!! At the same time I am sad because I missed him online and wasn't able to chat even for a few minutes... Hope he comes back online again!!!
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It was about 1 to 2 pm that I suspect he had been online. I hope he does!! Do you believe he might have wanted to talk to me???
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hello!!! You were right that he was going to talk to me!!! He came online yesterday all of a sudden!! It was a big surprise. He told me that he doesn't have any bad feelings for me and that his wife uses facebook and goes online using his own account. He said that he had told me this, but I told him that I didn't know it, or at least that I didn't understand then, what he meant. He said he wants us to take things easy, that he considers me as a very clever woman and that he appreciates me. He also appreciates the fact that I have never called him or sent him any txt messages!!! I told him that I wasn't going to send him any messages on facebook again now that I knew that his wife uses his account to go on facebook. And I didn't ask him to have me back on his friends list again. I leave it all up to him now!!! Yesterday, I also sent him on yahoo in an email, a photo of mine and he said that it turned him on. I think he is still attracted to me. Do you believe that he has more feelings for me than he thinks and that he will have me back on his friends list on facebook again? He told me that we are going to talk again also!!! I felt really good and now I am very happy. All the sadness that I had now it fades away!!!
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I do want to continue being friends with him!! And talking to him yesterday meant a lot to me! I think he is still attracted to me because he told me that my photo had an effect on him and he remembered me when he saw it. Do you think he might be having more feelings than just friends?
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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