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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige , Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I met a man on the internet last yr. We hit it off & talked

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I met a man on the internet last yr. We hit it off & talked everynight for an hr sometimes. I fell in love with his voice & personality. He is 80 & I am 70. In August of this yr. I gave up everything to go live with him in another state. He had given me an engagement ring prior to moving but now he says he can not marry me because there is Alzhiemer's in my family & If i got it he would have to spend all his money on me & wouldn't have any left for him. He will not make a written committment either so that I will have the money to go back & live with my family. I am devastated. I guess he just wanted a caretaker. He is really considerate in other things & has been generous. I am not a gold digger. I just want love & security. What should I do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. it seems like money is a dysfunctional center of the arguments here. it seems odd that his reason for not marrying you was the possibility to spend money on Alzheimer's treatment. If you live with him without being married, are things ok between you both? I might consider this arrangement for now if it works out and you both can have a good relationship when marriage isn't in the picture. Give it a little time and see what happens from there. He seems as if he may be scared of your intentions when it comes to money. If these feelings are unfounded, some time with him may ease his mind.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I have known this man for almost a yr. prior to moving in with him. He has all the qualities I was looking for but if he doesn't love me enough to provide for me, just enough to get back home, if he goes first. I am just devastated. He just wanted a care taker & feel I was taken in.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

I am confused by your statements that this is a nice man and he has all the qualities you look for in a man, yet he is being heartless and miserly toward you. This doesn't seem to fit most people's definition of a nice man.

Contact your family and explain the situation. Tell them that you were misled, and are essentially being held hostage by this man who wanted a caretaker. Perhaps they will come up with a way to get you back home.

If that's not possible, charge him for caretaking. If you are not living as husband and wife, then he should pay for your caretaking services. Or find a caretaking job outside of the home. Once he sees that his attitude is costing him your time and attention, he may value it more. By giving up everything to be with him, he's been able to call all the shots. Show him that you can survive without him, and he may begin to value you more. If not, at least you will be financially independent and will eventually have enough to move back home.

One last option is to convince him to buy long term insurance that would pay for your care if you ever did get Alzheimer's.

I'm so sorry this man used your love to put you in such a precarious position.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you for you help. I have explored every option & my family would come get me but I just cannot do this to them. He is generous by giving me his car to drive & money to go visit my grandchildren. I did not accept answer because I signed up for a month & thought I would not have to pay the $35 again.

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