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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7532
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I met a guy on a dating site, he and I chatted on line for

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I met a guy on a dating site, he and I chatted on line for a couple of weeks, then started texting every day. Finally we began talking on the phone. We got along just great, he asked me out for dinner and I accepted. Four days later he came to pick me up, he was everything he said I was, I was very attracted. He seemed to feel the same and could not stop smiling. When we got to the restaurant it was very crowded. He had not made reservation so instead of waiting in line we went to the bar part where a live band was playing. He suggested we sit as far away as possible so that we could talk. Everythng seemed to be going well. At one point I needed to go to the ladies room when I got up to go he stopped me and asked where I was going? I smiled and said to the ladies room, don't worry I'll be back! And so the evening progressed well. We ended up back at his place and yep, ended up in bed. It was perfect and we slept in each others arms, he asked me to stay. The next morning he still didn't want me to go. We had coffee and talked more utill almost noon at which time I said I had to go, he drove me home. When he kissed me it did not feel right. I told him so and asked for a better kiss! That didn't feel quite right either? We had not made plans to meet again, it seemed like a no brainer? Two days after our date and subsequent over nighter I get a text. It says " I feel like a fool, you tricked me and are not the person you portrayed yourself to be". He goes on to say that he will not be contacting me again? He also tells me that when I went to the bathroom @ the bar that he thought of leaving, running out on me! At no time did I get that impression. A week later I get this call, he says he wants to see me. I tell him he is an ass. He persists and convinces me that I should see him again, give him another chance, that he panicked? We meet for a drink and eventually come back to my place where we do it all again, the sleep over. When I awaken in the A.m. he is gone! Later that day I get a text.....that he will not be seeing me again, nor will he be calling me! Seeing me was a mistake!! When we are together we enjoy each other, talk constantly and laugh. What is this all about? Should I see him again? Actions speak louder than words??? OR Is this guy like a bad cold that doesn't seem to go away?

You need to trust your instincts for heaven's sake and change your number; avoid this guy like the plague that he is.


--- First, I suspect that he was afraid you were leaving when you went to the ladies room that first night.


Second, I strongly suspect that his reaction was to 'dump you' before you had the chance to dump him.


The biggest mistake was seeing him again. Stop this dysfunctional relationship before it goes so far as to truly damage you.


This guy has started emotionally and verbally abusing you within hours of your first date. It will only escalate over time. He'll apologize, he'll give you things, make you promises, offer some of the best excuses and rationalizations you will ever hear - and then he'll do it again.


You can also expect that if he thinks you're fooling around on him, he'll cheat on you and then blame you for making him think you were seeing someone else.


Nothing will ever be his fault. This has all the earmarks of something that may escalate into physical abuse.


Surely you value yourself more than this. You deserve a good man, not damaged goods. You cannot 'fix' him, your love won't make him better and cure him of his mistrust because his heart has been broken (have you heard this already?) and of course he has "walls built up" and he won't let anyone in.


You can only be responsible for yourself. Run, do not walk, away from this one.


There is much better out there.



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