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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question

Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott , Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7513
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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I have been in a live in relationship for 4 months. He promised

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I have been in a live in relationship for 4 months. He promised so many things that haven't came about. Now he says he can't marry me because I have Alzhiemer's in my family & if I got AZ it would take all his money to take care of me & he wouldn't have any left for himself. I am 70 & he is 80. He will not make a comittment to take care of me if something happens to him either.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 4 years ago.

-- I'm afraid you've found yourself a real dud when it comes to being honorable, mature and ethical. How very sad that this man at this age thinks money is more important than loving and being loved.


One suggestion would be to find a Term Life Insurance policy that will take him and have it written for as high a premium you can afford.


If that's not feasible, start making sure there are items around the house worth selling. It's not unreasonable for you to want some sense of security if something should happen to him. And he probably expects the same from you and you might be able to use that as a motivation for him to cooperate as you both sign up for mutual insurance policies.


Actually, given that he wouldn't be there for you if you were to become ill (AZ) it might be prudent to move on while you can.


What would you be losing? The disappointment of knowing he's there, but won't cooperate or show up when you need him most?


You cannot force him to feel what he doesn't. What you can do is remove yourself from the situation before he hurts you even more.



Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7513
Experience: Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
Rev.Dr. August Abbott and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I really love this man. He is really very kind except for this flaw. I have no money to live on when I go back. I gave up my income & almost sold my house. I will not be able to get my income back. I live on $689. SS. What can I do?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
What do you need to know? He is a very kind & considerate man otherwise.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
He is very considerate, kind, takes me out to eat often but if I am only here as a bed partner & house keeper it hurts so bad because I really love him & thought he loved me. I am heart broken. He doesn't have to marry me but I must feel secure.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Please let me know something
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I need more information. I cannot sale anything that is not mine afterall he has 2 daughters who are in the wings waiting for their inheritance.
Expert:  Rev.Dr. August Abbott replied 4 years ago.
-- I'm sorry for the delay, I thought you signed off last night and this is my first time on today.

I do understand your predicament. You must understand that this "one flaw" is a pretty big one. As in major. How can you truly love someone who promises you that he won't be there for you if you need him? How can you can truly love someone who doesn't care whatsoever about what happens to you after he passes? He doesn't care if you end up on the street or living in the back seat of your car.

You need to examine why you want to stay with someone who is giving you so little in the way of care and respect. Two major ingredients of "love".

And love rarely works when it's only one way. Like one hand cannot clap.

--- I would have to strongly suggest, if not insist that you find a counselor for yourself in order to work through what is seemingly very low self esteem.

You do not deserve to be so under-appreciated, unloved and de-valued.

I understand that you might think at this stage in life there is not much in the way of choices when it comes to mates, but essentially, this man is like having no mate anyway. Would you really be worse off without him, or better off in knowing that you've got the best person there is to count on. Yourself.

You honestly need to get out now while you can figure out a way to make it happen.

You've given up enough haven't you? Don't give up your life. Please.

If you can convince HIM to attend counseling sessions with you, which I highly doubt will happen, maybe hearing from a third party that he's being selfish, cold and unreasonable will help him regain some of his humanity.

Do NOT press accept on this again and that way you won't be charged any further. I am happy to follow up with you, although I wish I could help more

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