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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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I have been in a relationship with a separated man for about

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I have been in a relationship with a separated man for about a year and a half with breaks in between as he was still coping with the fallout of his marriage breakdown (married 19 years, 2 teenage kids). We are "taking a break" at present with both of us focusing on our own lives, and him in particular finding himself and rebuilding his life. We might meet once a month and go on a "date" or go hiking and no sex. I know we love each other and I've stopped pressuring him into commitment. He said he is not ready for commitment yet but seems to think long term. Should I wait? What can I do to "help" him towards commitment but without the pressure?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

Q: "Should I wait? What can I do to "help" him towards commitment but without the pressure? "

 

A: Your decision would be based on factors such as - how long would you be willing to wait, would you consider an open relationship, are you at some point feel that you've wasted your time and can you keep up with the sort of a relationship you are having now without feeling that you're missing something. You've indicated that your life feels full and you are comfortable with giving him time. Yet, to be fair to you, he should give you an idea of how long is he going to need to work on himself. People can work on different issues even when they are dating and inner growth is not always done in solitude.

 

His level of commitment current and future is going to be affected by his fears, faith in the possibility of starting over, external circumstances such as his teen children, the mutual goals that the two of you share as well as his individual/professional goals. Whether or not he feels pressured is something you would not necessarily cause him to experience 100% as this would be largely based on his interpretation. You of course can help by letting him know that you are open to see his point, you can listen to him and provide emotional support and companionship. The lack of sexual intimacy may not always be something the two of you can withhold because eventually your goal is to have a romantic rather than platonic relationship.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you for your objective viewpoints/advice. I guess I do have an approx time frame in mind that I can live with. I guess there are just too many factors to really know how things will pan out, except wait and see. Thank you.
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 2 years ago.
You welcome. Yes, patience will be needed and as long as both of you agree on this time frame, at least you'd have an idea of what to expect to happen meanwhile. This would be a mutual endeavor and as long as he's willing to work with you and you with him, things can develop in a positive direction.
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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