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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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i love my partener and miss her so much.I had a problem with

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i love my partener and miss her so much.I had a problem with the wrong medication and now am not on it anymore.But my partener went through alot and i can understand that.The real me has come back but my partener has gone..?..i have manned up and went and got help and the right medication aswel and feel a totally different person.I am and will still continue the help to make sure everything is ok.I cant understand why my partener has left and is now having a tpe of relationship with another guy when this with me is all what she ever wanted..??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I am so sorry about your medical problem and am glad to hear that you have mostly straightened it out, and are doing followup therapy to make sure that you stay on the best path.

I assume that you have told your friend about the outcome of your ordeal, and of your good intentions. It seems that she has made some changes in her life that have left you out of the picture.

I understand that you want desperately to restore your former relationship with her, to a new and better level than before. This may be very difficult for you to change, despite doing absolutely everything right and perfectly. This is because a lot of it is out of your hands now, and she has changed her situation.

The most you can possibly do is to ask her to reconsider returning to a relationship with you if this new one seems not to be what she was looking for. Let her know that you will be patient (it is the only way to be). If she knows that there is a strong and steady man out there who loves her, unswerving and full of unconditional love, then she may return to you.

You must face the possibility that she wion't, and that there is nothing more you can do. Be patient for now, and don't overburden her. She knows you are out there. In the mean while, consider that there are other women out there who may care for you and you for them. Keep all of your options open, and let this continue to unfold over time.

At a certain point, if she does not show any renewed interest in her, then you will have to go through the grieving process of losing someone dear to you, as you move forward with your life. If this is the case, then you will get through this and what is now so painful to you will slowly and surely fade away.

I wish you patience, perseverance, and strength.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I understand what you said but also the guy in her life right now is someone that just turned up out of the blue and is impressing her with material things like a flashy car and other electrical goods and catalouge clothes.He has whispered all the right words in her ear at a very vulnerable stage.I did my homework on this guy and found out alot through other guys that have either worked with him or have see the the real him and how he braggs at the hotel and they say he sufferes from little man syndrome and is a real ladies man,He comes from afar and works for a road construction company.What type of guy is this to you..??..And this is deffinately not the type my partener would have anything to do with.she would see this type of guy in the same light as eeryone else..???,,what does all this mean..??
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

Thank you for filling me in on these important details. Evidently, your friend is taken in by this man's smooth talking and his money. She fails to see that there is a man who wants her as his one and only partner and doesn't realize that this man may be a womanizer and just stringing her along.

If this is the case, she surely has enough intelligence to come to her senses. She will see that this man is just using his material wealth to put himself in a good light, much like other men with material wealth do. This often impresses women and wouldn't be the first time that a man uses his wealth to ensnare a woman..

Unfortunately, you have little or no control of the situation. You have plenty of other things to offer her and she will just have to take it or leave it. The best you can do is to be her unswerving night in shining armour. I wish you great success in that endeavor.

Warm regards,
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Also she has isolated herself from jsut about all her friends and leads a very alone life even when he not there.And usually i only get a txt from her when he not in town even tho its not a nasty txt and there no arguement its not one showing any effection.Its usually something about the kids or something she left here at out house that she would like me to buy off her.What does this mean also..??
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
second opions
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Other.
second opions
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

What else is it that you need answered? It seemed your original expert answered your question.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I need to know why is she like this after 20 years of being together.and also after praying for me to come back as I used to be before the wrong medication then when all this good happened she left ?
Expert:  Suzanne replied 2 years ago.

No one will wait forever for someone to, as you put it, "man up." She gave you 20 years of her life, waiting for you to change. After she left, you did what you needed to do (and what she had asked you to do) to make things right....but by then it was too late. Too many times, we don't make changes when our partners ask us to, until when they finally get tired of waiting and give up and leave us, then we take them seriously and do what needed to be done. Unfortunately, by the time the 'good' happened, too much had happened to the affection between the two of you. You said she always wanted you to get help, but it seems you didn't do it when she asked you. You seem to have waited too long.

At this point, all you can do is to keep taking the medication and getting help. Some day, if the new man doesn't treat her right, she may consider coming back to you if you have kept the changes going. She may need to see that you're not making those changes just to try to get her back, but that you are doing it because you realize you have to do it for yourself.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

When I first answered your letter, I thought that you would not accept any answer unless it reinforced your own false hope that things were different than they really are. You even continue to call this woman your partner, but she is no longer your partner. You are in denial about the truth of the situation.

She has someone else who evidently is making her happy, because during your "difficult period", you lost her. She is getting in touch with you to try to get some of her posessions returned.

The best thing you can do is to return her posessions without charge and leave on good terms. If she ever changes her mind she will still be on good terms with you, in this way.

I have given you the best professional advice. My colleague agrees. I do love what I do, helping people straighten out their lives. I also do this for a living and would appreciate if you would ACCEPT my answer so that JustAnswer can compensate me for my work.

I thank you in advance and wish you the strength and wisdom to move forward with your life.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It wasn't like this for twenty years,that is what is misunderstood.all this happened slowly over 1 to 2 years as the med took it's ugly hold.and through my help I was told after asessment that by nature I am a loving caring person.which is the person I really am and also was told by a professional doc that there is also selfishness involved by my partner atm because that is human nature.I help my children and any my friends and family whenever I can and always have good values.I have and never would itemize material goods in the relationship and would give her and my children my last dollar in need,even my last breath if needed.I pray to the good lord for help and will never give up because I believe the things you love most in life are worth fighting for and will not just give up on her,that is the easy way out at this stage.my wise father told me to be patient and keep a open mind because she really wouldn't know this guy that well warts and all so to speak.he loves her as his own daughter and is seeing her side of what's happened aswel.the reason I didn't go and get anything done when I was on wrong med is be ause you feel like you don't need to and have been told by doctors that this is right and was the wrong med to start with.and I was never assessed through this time on them.I would never give up on her if this happened to her .but then maybe I am different.quitters never win and winners never quit.i love and miss her very very much and am positive that love and god will find away.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer quality.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Please reply to my last message and then I will let it be
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
Dear friend,

They say that faith can move mountains. You have an enduring and abiding faith. You are like a shining light on the mountain. You cannot control her, but you can inspire her. You are truly a worthy man who can't be moved. Let me give you two inspirational statements to help give you the strenght you need to see this through:

He that endureth to the end shall be saved.
(Matthew 10:22)

Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
(Galatians 6:9)

Once again, I urge you to be patient and have faith that your partner will come to her senses and there you will be ready to take her back and make your lives together a truly happy time.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
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